Today, in downtown El Paso, I was standing in the Central Park staring at some Mexican cholo boys and sucking on a Lucky Strike in my Wonkavision glasses when all of a sudden I heard this tremendous crash. I whirled around, as did everyone else, except the pigeons who scattered to the four winds shitting a rain of feces on all below, just to witness the end of a collision between two transit trolleys. These trolleys are small buses that scoot around El Paso and resemble streetcars from the old frontier days. Well, the two drivers, who with my vivid imagination, must've been doped to the gills with coke and rammed completely into each other, causing one to lift off of the ground, careening sideways and bouncing up onto the sidewalk barely missing several scrambling terrified pedestrians. Metal and smoke and parts were everywhere! Me and several gawkers hooted and hollered and all I thought was...ch-ching! Those lucky motherfuckers on board those trolleys are freaking rich!!
Take two nights ago, I am standing at a hamburger stand on Avenida Mariscal in Cuidad Juarez, Mexico and chomping on a burger al fresco when a coworker from El Paso comes stumbling by and goes into this long spiel about how he was hit by a taxi crossing the street. I asked was it here or in the States? He said the States and the taxi hit him at a red light! He got the plate number and the taxi number. He has an ambulance chasing lawyer filing a claim and the company is Yellow Cab...a fucking national company.
Or my friend in San Diego who's shoe got caught in the escalator at Horton Plaza mall and ripped his little toe off before he could yank his foot free. Settled for $25,000,000.
All I ask is for where is my piece? You read my blog...I should be dead. Not even a scratch. Why can't I ever get hit by a bus or shot by a coke bottle top in the eye or hot coffee dropped on my crotch in Jack in the Box? No!!!!! I hafta be the luckiest fucker in the world!! All I want is one goddamn accident so I can sue some fucking fat cat company for an obscene amount of money and invest it in my movie.
Is that to much to ask?