Saturday, December 13, 2008

Clowning Around.

Was awaken early by the gentle rappings of Chuck the Canuck on my bedroom door. "You have a visitor."
Clock says 9:53am. What is this - a fucking farm? I get dressed and stumble downstairs to find Fernando waiting. For those of you not in the know - Fernando is the stable job holding homebody that has been hounding me for a relationship the past few weeks. Poor slob. I've been a card carrying member of The League of International Playboys since day one, dears - so I have been avoiding him. Slightly. Oh, too be sure he is what you dream of, you lonely bitches - he is smart, well read, funny, handsome, and sensitive, and not the kind that bar hops. A real bore. He has been hounding me because he has the weird notion that we are compatible in some freakish way.
Yes. Uhm - okay.
Well, Fernando sat in the living room smiling pleasant as I made some instant coffee and offered him the same. As a side job, Fernando performs in the park on weekends as a clown to the delight of squealing little uns. A side job that would be scorned in the states but is held as virtuous here - I suppose. Well, ol' Fernie had asked a while back to purchase some clown shoes for him online and I said I would - today he was collecting on that promise.
Being a man of my word, we repaired to the cafe on the beach and I went online and bought said clown shoes - big floppy yellow and orange things that honked when you walked. Dear God...
Wonder what it's like having sex with a clown? When he orgasms does he h'yukh'yuk'y'uk like Krusty? Does he cum silly string? I asked Fernando - he just laughed and stated that I was wonderful. Thanks, Fernando. Then I took his picture - just to be cute.
We sat and talked of things, of how he thinks my solidarity is the reason of my depressed state, Fernando explaining how he can be the ying to my yang - and Fernando explained where he lived and gave me - gave me, mind you - a key to his apartment. Well, don't that take the rag offen the bush? After an hour of laughter and coy comments, Fernando jet to go to work. Myself, made a run to the border.
The Christmas crowd was ghastly. A gajillion damn people clogged the frontier like a freakin' exodus - fat old women as far as the eye could see. After waiting what seemed an eternity, I jumped the trolley and shot off towards downtown San Diego.
Firstly, to check my mail and was delighted in receiving the DVD of the Criterion Collection of Pier Passolini's Salo: 120 Days of Sodom. Also, I received a letter from SSI stating that my pay was to increase in 2009. Yay! I treated myself to a big ass carne asada burrito at El Tapatio's and then checked out the remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still. What a horrible remake!! I had entered the theater with high hopes and left angry and disappointed. A travesty of the classic!
I returned home only to be clogged at the border going in to Mexico which is unheard of. Thousands of commuters returning from shopping and work jammed the turnstiles into Tijuana. It was a nightmare.
When I dodged traffic and strode through Plaza Santa Cecilia, I stopped at bar Villa Garcia for a quick beer and struck up a conversation with a young lad who just came up from Chiapas. He was quiet funny and we joked for an hour. However, fatigue set in and I said adios and returned home on the city bus - it would have been a nice quiet ride if it weren't for this old fart that got on and belted out mariachi ballads loudly and continuous the entire trip. Asshole.
Got home made a salad and watched Naked Lunch being broadcast on television in Spanish. I sat - thinking of Fernando. Perhaps I should give him a whirl.

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