I’ve lost every concept of time there is and I literally do not feel anytime passing. My anxiety’s getting worse and there’s not a day that goes by without that familiar pulsation or a panic attack. I’ve lost a grip on everything and I’ve spun out of control. I can’t keep gripping onto everything anymore and I want to let go but I know that I can’t. No one really cares, no one’s dependent on me. Not kai, not you, not anyone. I don’t have a purpose anymore apart from telling myself I’m better when I’ve never felt more insignificant in my life. I want to restart everything. I want to live a new life and make better choices, because where I’m going at the moment is not where I want to end up.
I don’t know why I’m here anymore. No one really cares about me and no one matters to me much anymore. I’m so fucking weird and everyone sees it. I hate the way I act, I hate the way I am, I hate the way I look. To put it shortly, I hate myself, and in a way I never thought I’d feel.