outside is cold but the inside is colder

Days are long and nights are longer and darker. Suffering from insomnia - up until 5am and sleeping less. Eerie sense of gloom pervades every thought - my goddamn head hurts and I don’t know why. For the past few days lay in bed drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes and flipping through nothing on the TV with the sweat from the heat of day and humidity of night soaking my comforter. Gunshots in the distance mingled with barking dogs and the ceiling fan whirls to little effect.

Feeling used and unwanted and generally all around down. My roving eye pointing towards Puerto Rico. No one knows me there. Won’t be a trophy for some naco only to be discarded once the novelty wears off.

Everything is meaningless - food untouchable, beer unenduring, sex not doing it for me. Sit hours at my desk and stare into that fathomless abyss content to be left alone and live within the few cubits between my ears. I feel so bland - so numb - so uncaring for all the Fallen Angels of the World and for the world in general, generally speaking. The outside is cold but the inside is colder.