I found myself with my eyes still and calm, for the first time in years as the original jotting of notes sprang to life out of my mind, giving the innuendo I carried in my heart for so long a name, a sound, a breath.
I wanted to cry, and I tried by staring at myself in the bathroom mirror and looking for that self-loathing I’ve had for so long but I was too disgusted with myself to keep the lights on and soon I felt nothing but darkness and longed for my sheets. I discredit sleep far too much and wish I had more time to write in it because my thoughts seem the most honest and painful right before and right after I do.
The sunset came over the biscuit colored Tucson mountains and the radiant yellow gained a reddish hue and the sun so big and burning in the sky, but not bright, found its way home on the coattails of the back porch and the spire cactus in the backyard, the humidity finally weighing down to rest.
I caught myself before I fell to sleep and typed out a few words I don’t think I’ll ever let anyone else read. Maybe I’ll burn them on the edge of that sky in that big sun’s flames settling down to be tucked in by the night.