Thursday, May 19, 2005

Racists?!


Was standing on the corner, around seven-thirty this morning, with my friend Jeff from Pensacola. We both were standing there taking in the warm morning rays and sipping the Victory Coffee provided by Vinnies free and gratis talking about the film Crash that we both checked out the previous night.
Now, I want to educate you in the fact that this was one powerful movie. Being a Los Angelino I myself and perhaps none other can relate to that torrid tale of racial conflicts. Yes, powerful movie.
Now standing on that corner, there is much foot traffic, with the pushers and the junkies and the stainky ass whores with their Speed Freak boyfriends shuffling around with their shopping carts overflowing with their memories. You got the Cuban refugees and the African expatriate, all on the hustle. Peddle thy ass, young buck. Lying in the mud at your feet, two or three pre-corpses lay wrapped in filthy, torn blankets too tired to get up and face what God will hurl at them. Looking down, oh looking down at the cracked and stained sidewalk covered in phlegm blossoms. Blues, yellows, and greens all glistening in the morning sun.
Wait. Getting sidetracked.
So, Jeff and I are rappin' about the movie when my rather handsome negro friend comments, "That was one racist movie, you dig?"
This little midget of a wanna-be hip hopper stops in his tracks, eyes all bugged out and blacker than black with his timberland's and Fubu wear and looks Jeff in the eye without blinking, "Wher ee at?"
"The movie Crash." Jeff said. "It was racist."
"Where ee at?" The little dude repeated, getting agitated. Twiddling fingers rocking back and forth on his heels.
"It's at the Pacific Theaters, that's where..." Jeff tried to explain.
"No. "The little guy said, vapid look. "Da Wasist? Where da wasist at?"
"Wasist?" I said, sipping my coffee. "Dat wascally wasist?"
"No." Jeff said. "I said the movie Crash was racist. There are no racists here, man."
The little man just waddled away. There was many a joke after that concerning the Wascally Wasist. Heh. Retard.
Okay, highlight of my day? Sat through Revenge of the Sith. Twice. I am a Star Wars fan, okay. And it was quite good. Out of the three prequels that Lucas cranked out, it is the best of them. Now I have to wait until September to buy the DVD and then my collection will be complete.
Side note: Walked over to the community college to use the computer so I can relate this dribble to you, but first decided to pop into Mickey D's for a couple of dollar cheeseburgers. 'Cause I'm a cheap bastard. Walked up to the thirty-something black man standing behind the register. He looked aloof and a bit angry, staring left out the window.
"Hi." I said.
No answer. Not even a blink.
"Everything okay?" I questioned.
Nothing.
"All right, fuck you, if you don't wanna serve me, I'll go someplace else." And I walked out as the supe was coming from the kitchen, wondering what was going on.
Living outside of this country for several years and looking in, the culture of the United States is pretty fucked up. No wonder everyone wants to blow our arrogant asses up.
On a lighter non-racist note: I became famous for fifteen minutes. A friend of mine who is currently taking speech class at the college needed a story to recite for his final. He confided after reading my blog, that if you read them out loud they are funnier than shit. His words. Well, I sat in on the session two nights ago and after ten minutes of listening to boring uninspired crap from other students, my friend stood at the pedestal and recited my blog entry "Post Nasal Drips." (2/28/05) The entire class was rolling in hysterics. It is funnier when it is read out loud from somebody else. I got a standing ovation. Maybe there is a future in this writing gig.
Yee-haw!

5 comments:

Dingle-Dangle said...

Yo hoe hoe and a bottle of rum. No more yanky my wanky the donger need food (or more accurately sleep).

Maybe you do have the right, what's the stuff?

Notas Sobre Creación Cultural e Imaginarios Sociales said...

hee hee hee just tried one of your posts out loud...

rich said...

i shall have to try this Victory coffee one of these days that you keep raving about. Good to hear you enjoyed crash. i have yet to see SW Revenge of the Sith... maybe after finals.

ML said...

Dude OF COURSE there's a future in writting for u, ur sooo funny, besides you would look pretty cute on a book cover, seems like your doing better, I think the bravest man is the one who gave a fuck in the end.
Lovz

LMB said...

Okay, allow me to retort:

Ashokan420: WTF? Put the bong down and get some sleep.

Jose: Thanks. Read them in the streets aloud, amaze your friends, be the life of parties...

Walter: Star Wars TV show? Ech! I rather blow the corpse of Don Knotts...

Rich: Victory Coffee. Refer to text of Orwell's 1984. Everything is Victory this Victory that. Victory coffee, Victory stew, Victory Mansions...in other words, that's some really awful shit. But, under the circumstances, that's all there is.

M.L.: When you eventually visit Tijuana again, mijo, I am inviting you to a hands on tour of the city. Very hands on. Heh.Heh.Heh.