Do You Love Me?

3:45a.m. Lo que paso, paso by Daddy Yankee bops over the hi-fi. Only the fluttering light from two scented candles and the orange flame of the gas heater lights the dark room. Shadows jiggle and dance. We lay naked in messed sheets, with drained scrotum, embraced. Tony lies on his back and I lay on my side propped up on one elbow. My thumb brushes gently across his thick black eyebrows. I look deep into his brown eyes, distant sparks deep inside. My finger glides down the bridge of his nose, notice the light freckles, to his thick lips, he kisses my finger. No words are uttered.

What if he is just playing me? He sees a lot of girls, what if he just is using me? Or worse, fucking some other guy behind my back. The pain surges in my heart, I can't control the rush of blood to my face and I blush. When he leaves my apartment, does he go to lay in someone elses bed?

I kiss his lips, so sweet, a peck on his chin, a smooch on his neck. Mmmm, God, he smells so good. Slowly, up and down his neck. I nibble his earlobe, my nose brushes against his neck. My hand brushes across his pecks, down across the rib cage, the hard brown stomach.

Is he just after my money? Does he plan to steal my things? My CD's? My DVD's? My cell phone? If I gave him the key to my apartment, who else would he fuck on my bed when I am at work? Would his friends help him carry out my television...my stereo? Steal my clothes? Sell it all for junk?

With his hand he holds my chin and reaches up and kisses me, his thick tongue flicks in my mouth and we exchange saliva. Sweet and warm. He pulls away and lays his head deep into the pillow. He stares into my eyes, my soul. There is admiration and serenity in his face as he stares at me. His thumb caresses gently across my lips. His other hand strokes my back and it feels so good. It makes me feel so comfortable, so at calm. I lay my head on his chest and I hear his heart beating, beating, beating. So warm. So smooth. So smooth. No words are spoken.

Does he shoot up like his brother? Is he infected with diseases? AIDS? Hepatitis C? Will he kill me with his virus?

Presently, his breathing goes calm and regular and I notice he has fallen asleep in my embrace and I cradle him in my arms. I casually stroke his shaved head before I drift off into sleep. All is well in the universe at this moment.

Do you love me? Like I love you?