Saw a film last night that really perplexed me - it was a Brazilian movie called Madam Sata. How I related to this film and the way it touched me was how the central character was so passionate about life and would not allow anyone to deter him from what he wanted in his simple life; albeit was a life of drugs and prostitution. I can not put into words how such a film touched me - I guess I was the same way at one point - living in some poverty stricken slum in a foreign country and all I had was my wits and a couple of junky friends to keep me going.
But, as I have mentioned several times...I am changing. God - in his infinite wisdom and unfathomable passion - has granted me with much ease the things that I hold so dear in my heart. A great job and a little apartment - from these all else will follow. I want to sever from my life all the junkies and whores and tramps and thieves and all other bad influences that I have swam in with gusto all these years.
Take yesterday for example. I am walking down the street when I am approached by an old friend Victor - haggard, dirty, unshaven - but under that filth was a handsome guy who was a knockout in bed. He had asked me if I had gotten my apartment and I said yes but I did not moved in yet because I hadn't activated the gas or electricity. He then asked if I would give him the keys and if he could flop there for a few nights. Now the old me would of said yes and used him for a flesh toy for a few days - instead I issued a long tirade on how I do not want to turn my place into a shooting gallery or a flop house. I actually forbade him from ever coming over. Cruel? Maybe. But I do not want to swim in these waters any longer. I want stability - I want cleanliness - I want a normal life.
So, on the first of September I will be moving into an apartment that I have ever intent and purpose in growing old within. No more traveling - no more adventures. I have done pretty much everything I have wanted in life and more.
Even though Brazil is looking mighty tempting...

I got swimmers ear! I stated that I have an ear infection and apparently it's swimmers ear. It doesn't hurt - but my left ear is swollen closed and that makes it uncomfortable. You can get this little nuisance by trapping water in your outer ear canal and somehow scratching the surface allowing bacteria to penetrate and cause all kinds of ruckus. A few days ago I showered before bed as I always do and afterwards I placed earplugs in my ears to block out all the snoring and farting at the mission - so there you have it. I went online to check out a home remedy and it seems that simple alcohol and white vinegar will do the trick.
In other news....
There is this new kid at the mish - an African American and he is really cool. We spent the afternoon chatting behind the mish and had dinner together in the canteen - ill prepared spaghetti and sour tasting salad with water. Perhaps I should change my Latino diet and go strictly for blacks - there seems to be quite a lot about El Paso lately since the exodus from hurricane Katrina. Plus, at 4:30am I was in the shower getting ready for work and my new friend decided to take a shower, too - very impressive torso and 'thingy'. Seems comfortable with me.
The quest for a bed for my new apartment continues - there is this one store that I know of that sells refurbished beds from hotels and a queen size goes for about $100 dollars - seems the most logical and economical. BUT - I have not lived in this country for some time and was shocked to find out that I need a deposit to activate my gas and electricity - zoinks! Being stable sure is expensive!

I have acquired that apartment that I had my eye on - a perfect hovel for my distinct tastes located in the bustling downtown zone. However, even though I have the keys - since I have no furniture, not even a bed - I will not move into it until the first of September so I have to endure the missions hospitality for a short time more. Fuck that! My patience is gone! I am surrounded by the most lazy bickering retards you have ever seen! They are all worthless filthy tramps who will never amount to anything - they should all be slaughtered. AND that fucking bed bug debacle has spiraled out of control - egads what a Kafkan nightmare! And then pile on the filth and stench and there will be a stew that will turn your nose, dearies.
All the tramps living there are haggard old pot bellied fogies, however I have met two - two! - real hot guys passing through but both of them are nuttier than squirrel shit. Jesus, why can't I ever meet normal people in this life - why do they always have to be weirdos? Julio is just drop dead gorgeous - but talking to him is like swatting flies, he's all over the place. Then there was Daniel who just popped out of nowhere - but he just turned out to be your cookie cutter manipulative pretty boy. Ugh.
I hafta stop smoking, too - I have developed a oil burning habit - a freakin' pack of anything a day. And plus I am gaining weight! Jesus - this blog has deteriorated into a bitch fest or what?

His name was Miguel - wait, Mike thank you - I sat out back of the mission swatting flies in that simmering heat with the sun setting big and yellow and he asked for a cigarette or something to that effect. About twenty-one years old and ruggedly handsome in a macho Mexican kind of way - but he wasn't there and occasionally starred out into the near distance with canceled brown eyes.
We chit-chatted of casual things and his dialogue would drift off into nonconnecting dementia. Apparently, he squatted in the catacombs under the grain refinery near here. Mike spoke of his alter to Satan and if I wanted to see it. Why not? Wouldn't you?
Right off the mission property is an ancient derelict of warehouses and gigantic empty feed grains rusting under that unrelenting El Paso sun. As twilight fell, Mike lead me underneath to these labyrinthine catacombs - dark and smelling of musty air and urine and feces and rotting clothes.
We entered his chamber - gray concrete den littered with trash and dirty blankets and ripped up porno magazines. A dented metal folding chair sat next to a charred alter of ashes and blackened glass jars. On the left wall was a great rubble filled hole in the thick concrete that led up to the train tracks - apparent reason of ventilation.
I took the chair as Mike flopped down onto a layer of slutty blankets. More stupid talk as he went into painful detail of his alter to The Prince of Darkness all in soft spoken whispers. Mike stops his random patter short - starts leafing through the tattered porn his crotch stiffening and that was quite impressive, I don't mind telling you. He asks for a dollar and I ask what do I get out of it - same old manipulative faggot bullshit, I guess. Well, I tell him I want to watch him jack off and he smiles like a predatory canine in the moonlight beaming through the gaping hole in the roof.
Sure, why not? Wouldn't you? He peals off his well worn t-shirt and dirty jeans with a casual air of apathy - hairless torso brown lithe and tight. That beautiful penis was long and circumcised - uncommon for Mexicans. Mike lays back on the blankets naked thumbing through porn and playing with his long floppy cock.
With dead unfixed eyes, I sat puffing on a cigarette as Mike withes pounding away - hips thrusting slowly and erection pointed towards heaven - he comes to some sort of a climax as white semen oozes out and glazes his thick brown fingers - shiny in the moonlight. He flings the offensive matter onto the dusty floor - wiping his hand and softening cock with a filthy yellow sheet.
I reach into my jeans pocket and pull out a crumpled bill - toss it to him. "Uh...thanks." Above us a locomotive rumbles by in a blast of black iron. Naked, Mike scampers up the rubble and stands at the gaping hole in the concrete - black silhouette against dark navy sky stars glittering - so handsome and so insane.
I squashed my cigarette butt out on the dirty floor and walked out - leaving that beautiful fallen angel to his demons.

Things are chugging along quite nicely. I am now Assistant Manager at my job and I love it. I went apartment hunting yesterday and found a nice film nior looking pile of bricks down town to squat. I will rent a trap at the first of September.
The mish is getting downright - no it is downright filthy. It has basically become a retard home since MHMR closed their doors, so most of the clients are loonies lying in their own filth waiting for the SSI to kick in. Makes my exit date the more pressing.
But, I keep busy. I have just wrapped up the 6th draft of Luna - a short film I want to direct. A little dark film nior nightmare thing. So that is keeping my mind in motion. I have been also relieving myself with the help of Carlos and Steven - two oversexed pals of mine who are always up for an afternoon of delights. All is well - all is well.
Meeting some inneresting film lovers online too. And they are locals - I will make with the physical contact once I am in my own place. This isn't a sexual come on, you understand - I just want to surround myself with good friends that have the same likes as me.
It has been a long, hard ten years...

Well, it was bound to happen. I am employed now and a pretty decent joint. Front Desk at this little hotel - 40 hours a week at $8 an hour. Not bad. The managers are pretty cool and gosh darn attractive at that! Now I can set this plan in motion - I want to stay at the mish and save at least $2000 and move into an apartment comfortably. Hell, I even have started looking for furniture.
On the bus yesterday, I ran into my old friend Suevon - and has she lost a lot of weight! We kicked it at her apartment for a spell and I played with her three yung'uns. She even walked to the Best Western across from my job and got a spot as a housekeeper - oh, lucky day!
Yep - things look pretty good right now - got a job, meeting new friends...I can settle down in comfort, write my memoirs and grow old...