Saw a film last night that really perplexed me - it was a Brazilian movie called Madam Sata. How I related to this film and the way it touched me was how the central character was so passionate about life and would not allow anyone to deter him from what he wanted in his simple life; albeit was a life of drugs and prostitution. I can not put into words how such a film touched me - I guess I was the same way at one point - living in some poverty stricken slum in a foreign country and all I had was my wits and a couple of junky friends to keep me going.
But, as I have mentioned several times...I am changing. God - in his infinite wisdom and unfathomable passion - has granted me with much ease the things that I hold so dear in my heart. A great job and a little apartment - from these all else will follow. I want to sever from my life all the junkies and whores and tramps and thieves and all other bad influences that I have swam in with gusto all these years.
Take yesterday for example. I am walking down the street when I am approached by an old friend Victor - haggard, dirty, unshaven - but under that filth was a handsome guy who was a knockout in bed. He had asked me if I had gotten my apartment and I said yes but I did not moved in yet because I hadn't activated the gas or electricity. He then asked if I would give him the keys and if he could flop there for a few nights. Now the old me would of said yes and used him for a flesh toy for a few days - instead I issued a long tirade on how I do not want to turn my place into a shooting gallery or a flop house. I actually forbade him from ever coming over. Cruel? Maybe. But I do not want to swim in these waters any longer. I want stability - I want cleanliness - I want a normal life.
So, on the first of September I will be moving into an apartment that I have ever intent and purpose in growing old within. No more traveling - no more adventures. I have done pretty much everything I have wanted in life and more.
Even though Brazil is looking mighty tempting...