Having is not always as good as wanting.
There was an acquaintance from my last stay here in El Paso. An African American named Trent. Very handsome with a boxers physique. Had women flinging themselves at him. And I did my share of flirting - but he no fag, right - wouldn't have sex with a man cause that's sick, okay. Last I heard he got rip roaring drunk and rammed his car into the El Paso Rescue Mission - cans of empty Steel Reserve flying everywhere. After that he spent time in jail.
The other night, I was returning home late from work when this muscled bulk came lumbering up to me. Intoxicated and dressed out in his thug gear. And the flirting started again - because my chances with him I thought were zero to none.
Well, next thing I know, Trent is lying naked on my bed and I am doing to him that which is inconvenient. Thick muscular body and mythical black cock - I was in paradise. Until he asked for money for coke. Right in the middle of "it". Turned me completely off. As a fact after half an hour of debating and pleading - he was asked to leave. And was he pissed - saying I shouldn't get him worked up and then shove him out the door like that. That's how women get raped, he grunted.
I have changed. Remember Desolation Angel - that obnoxious devil may care asshole of old? Well, apparently he's dead. Gone. Forgotten, hopefully.
I do not regret what I did to Trent - only the regret of asking him in in the first place - but I have become so cautious - so banal. Perhaps I am digressing into an old spinster. Ugh...