Why Was it Like This?

Damn in such a funk of late. So numb inside - avoided contact with everyone. I was simply waiting to leave - even then, I felt no surge of excitement over that.

I lay sweating in my bed all day - only to pull myself out to walk to the corner bakery to buy some bread. I was completely broke - surviving on bread and water.

Went back to my room and lay there thinking about nothing in particular for hours on end. Around one a.m. or there abouts - walked back to the 24hr bakery and bought some sweet bread and a small milk with my last 12 pesos.

Why was it like this? How had all enjoyment of the fundamentals of life been crushed out of me? I wanted nothing. Nothing, but to be left alone with my own thoughts. And they were even mired in bleak resentment of past events. I saw my future - those filthy, haggard old men pushing a shopping cart down the street with all sanity and lust for life gone out of them - I believed that would be one day my fate.