ignorance

When we met I was in a good place, contemporary and sober and unravelled. Dancing on the open road, amazed by all those tiny lights in my vision. When you pulled my head towards yours and kissed me on the lips, you held it like it was the most precious thing in the world. So gentle. As your eyes were seeking for misfits or sport in my face. But to you I was spotless. But I repulsed myself, I wanted to turn my head and tell you it’s probably because I am hideous. But you kept saying that I was beautiful and for a moment I believed you, I wanted to open up my mind so you discover me. I wanted to free my words.

Days pass as we talked, the nights are still blurry. When I was brave enough to agree to see you again, you couldn’t stop talking about how excited you are and it would be fun. You sounded so sincere. And when the time was there, I was all ready. But you stopped replaying to my messages, you didn’t even send me a lousy ‘I don’t feel well’ text. Just nothing. Exactly how I felt. Like nothing.
Until the next day. You apologized for treating me disrespectful. Buy you lied, you were never sorry. You disappointed me again, twice. You couldn’t even just fuck me and leave, I wasn’t even worth that, I was nothing again. Even after these cries I still wanted to talk to you, tell you how fragile and unstable I am. I am dancing on a rope, underneath me howls abyss for my fall. You are the most dangerous smooth breeze but I will always be my puny ankles. And still, disregarding those unfortunate happenings, I still want to see you.