Sunday, April 15, 2018

sometime ago

If the world ever lost me, I’d doubt it would ever notice the difference. Like the name of a stranger you’d met once in passing, my demise would be as dramatic as an entrance and exit from a crowded bus, always wearing that same indifferent face that mirrors the cosmos’s thoughts of me - empty, nonexistent, and light years in between. Not much different than those who I once held close, deep within myself, like the very air in my lungs; I’ve been exhaled from memory long exhausted of use, as I am destined to be, from their minds. And yet, in the face of my inevitable disintegration, from reality to memory to a forgotten thought to a lost name in time, I try to hold onto these moments as they slip through my fingers; though these times may have forgotten me, I keep them alive within me, never more caring about being forgotten, but simply trying remember I once mattered to various people, at various times.
I meant something, sometime ago.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain. It is hard sometimes to excuse my existence when I find myself alone most of the time. I remember reading once something about "being alone together"concept and that is how sometimes I feel. I am surrounded by people everyday, yet I feel so lonely. I visit TJ often to live a life I do not dare to live here in the states. It took me a while to realize how much of a fantasy it is to go to TJ and live a life with people that do not really care for you. They just want your money. I have a few stories about TJ, hope one day we can meet up and go out for a coffee and talk about our experiences in TJ. I still go down there pretty often and I have a few guys that I have met over time and the more I get to know them the more I dislike them for the lack of honesty, and so on. I still go down there even after I promise myself not to go back anymore. I find really interesting that most guys that live in freaking TJ are down to do anything for money. You can have anyone for a price.
Hope you feel better soon and get to enjoy the freedom you have.