Sucker.

Tomorrow is Alfredo's birthday. I know what I am going to get him. It is that new model of Playstation 2, you know the really small flat one. It's new and it's only $149.00. I remember when we were "dating" I showed the add in the newspaper to him and he went ape-shit. I am such a sucker for him. He was over last night and we sat drinking Hot Coco and watched Village of the Damned, the original b/w version. He has hurt me so much, but he is so sweet to me, too. I both love and hate him. Damn! It's a strange world and for manic depressives and schizophrenics, a sad one, too. Why must love...true love, continue to elude me? My deepest fear is to turn into those bitter old queens that I see populating our land. Old and remorseful and broken like Icarus. They have lost the will and patience to search on for love and become nothing but sad sex monsters twisted in hatred and resentment. Is that my fate? I am tired from filming all day and will turn in early. Will watch a little porn to put me to sleep.