Coffee Hag.

My life is one long wacky soap opera.

To save money and just for the fuck of it, my pal o' mine RJ invited me to flop fee and gratis at his beach side mansionette in the town of Rosarito and I happily agreed - could use a change of scenery, you know?

A good thing too, my fifty bucks a week rent was due and I possessed a paltry hunnert. So, I packed my shit and headed out for a coffee with that tried and true expat Chuck. Text on my cell from RJ noted that he'd meet up with me at 7:30pm - so I had a day to kill. After I left old Chuck, I decided to wait in Cinema Latino - wouldn't you?

Paid the forty pesos and entered the stagnate gloom to some moaning cooch getting bulbs yanked out of her hieny. Sat up in the balcony and quickly hooked up with a Johnny Depp clone and that boy sucked cock like a champ - and his wittle wiener was an olympic ceiling squirter! After that joker split back to Stateside (?!) some chunky joto buzzed me but I made it clear I had no interest in his unappetizing person. Plus side was - I learned the Mexican slang for goosing someone - wowies they call it. Had to laugh at that one.

After that hippopotamus wobbled off tail between his fat ass legs, a bonefide male prostitute - super macho with muscles like bricks - flops next to me bums a smoke, whips out his steel cock and hits me up for $100 pesos - all in one movement. What a professional! Scattah, I say - but before this fallen adonis splits - Fat Boy returns and gobbles the manwhores big and nasty like Sunday buffet. The macho brute comes to a quivering climax - a dramatic act on my behalf I'm sure and Chunky pulls out some coins and hands it to the man. I am left alone for a bit to chain smoke Faro's. Twenty year old cutie is next - Valfredo he says his name is - and I blow the fucker twice. We make out a bit like high school lovers on the lips before I jet for my meet with RJ. - leaving Valfredo heart broken in darkness.

Stopping to down some Chinese food - and that crap was nasty - I hightailed to the Plaza to wait for my rotund negro friend. And I waited and waited and waited and waited - during this and amid six cups of strong coffee I am happily reacquainted with an old transsexual friend from my salad days - her being Felicia. I am jazzing her with hints of remodeling her crappy flop house into an international bed and breakfast. We nibbled pan dulce with two old relics of hers - a snaggle toothed old thing that waitered at Villa Garcia and a drunken bejeweled hag.

Time dragged and they split and I still wondered where the fuck RJ was. Rapped with the cafes cutie waiter and joked with my rentboy friend Diego who was on the clock for hotel money. However, I would not help him - no matter how hot he is - because he had been branded a thief.

So 'round eleven I recall - I gave up on that fool RJ and trudged home with my sixty dollars - fifty for rent and ten to sustain me until when ever. Well, this shall pass - I been in stickier situations...