Cold Twilight

I'm hungover trying to write this, so fuck you. Mornings when you wake up with that flashbulb of terror - did I do that last nigh? Did I say that? It is normal, I suppose to black out - everyone does. Well, everyone who lives on the edge of madness.

Spent the evening at Sonny's Bar with the El Paso irregulars. sitting out back in the dusty dirt with mismatched, rickety chairs sinking into the litter of a million cigarette butts and chewing gum wrappers.

As Joe and I drank our dollar mugs, thirsty hobos would stand at the fence gawking like at a zoo with desperate dry eyes blinking in the midafternoon sun in dirty shabby dark clothes - a few had the cajones to ask for a dollar. Shooed them away.

Gotten drunker, you bastards and with the alcohol came brazen unhinged faggotry. Hollering hello's and flirting and waving at passing neighborhood boys and slinking bebopping cholos swaggering in packs of two or three who either waved back or yelled, "Pinche jotos!"

That eye candy Jacob slithered in and plopped at our table - his pink eye had healed nicely. However, he was already shit faced from downing High Gravity tall boys all day in some dank alley with his homies from the Opportunity Center. Indeed, nice and drunk and an easy target, me thinks.

So, the next couple of hours I laid the sexual innuendos thick - slamming them onto the boy like a mallet. He kept droning on that he was straight and would never have sex with a man as I just kept ordering beer after beer. Joe, thank God - returned inside to stalk some other barrio boy that he had his eye on.

Finally, after hours of sloppy, drunken seduction - I guess it paid off.

Leaving the smokey bar, Jacob and I walked the two blocks through trash and dusty shrubs, no sidewalks, to my humble trap . Dogs bark ferociously out in the darkness. Door unlocked and step in room with white cracked walls and thin gray blankets with cigarette holes hosting the stale aroma of mold and unwashed linens.
Jacob goes to take a piss, door closed, I sit on the bed and light a joint. He exits wearing his boxers.

"Don't waste no time, do ya?" I mumbled.

I'm pushed down on to bed, he on top, thick oily tongue probed my mouth. Before I am naked several marks are branded onto my neck. Hickeys make me hot! They are my Achilles heel.
Clothes come off and I am sucking his short thick cock, holding on to his large brown balls as his thick fingers wiggle up my ass. On my stomach, spit is applied and Jeeeeeeeesssssuuuussss! He begun rutting like a overheated bull. Thwapthwapthwapthwapthwap! Our bodies smacking together rapidly in that unbearable humidity - writhing flesh began to sweat - sheets are messed, pillows knocked onto floor, bed springs overworked and loudly sing. Grunting and sweating, muscular hands brush my body, bulging muscles are kissed and stroked. The sagging bed squeaks in protest as my ass takes a pounding like I haven't had in a long time. My breath is quick, hissing through clenched teeth and behind my closed eyes I see stars. I can feel his penis growing and quivering, the thrusts becoming more frantic.

"Can I come in you, dude?"

"No.", I manage to grunt through clenched teeth - erection yanked out and gobs spurt onto my ass and upper back.

Jacob lays on top of me and strokes my hair with his coarse hands. When his breathing subsided, he slid off of me and lay in the dark shadows on his side, his back towards me with arms crossed. I could feel the guilt emanating from him like television broadcasts. I dare not touch him and in any case moments later he fell into a deep, drunken sleep.

Next morning, I awaken with Jacob snoring next to me. I sit there a bit, studying his long muscular body - tattoos, pale torso. Clothes are put on and I slip into the kitchen to make coffee. Sun blazes in the early morning as storm clouds roll in from the distance. Jacob stirs and staggers silently into the bathroom to take a piss. I offer coffee, but it is declined. The conversations fall flat and stilted. He mumbles he has to go. Without shaking hands and diverted eyes we say goodbye and Jacob softly leaves the apartment.

Yeah, life is pretty good, but for schizophrenics and manic depressives a sad one, too.