the fallen have more fun anyway

I am crashing. Scared. In pain. Panicking. Wanting to be alone. Wanting to write. Wanting to yell. To cut. To ran away. To cry. in retrospect, I can’t fall apart. I must stay strong. No, not strong, simply the desire to stand. The failing desire to hold on. To have faith. How hard is that? I want to be okay. I want to not be here in this dark anymore! I want to climb out to be me; not what’s wrong with me. I want him back as we are supposed to be… I want things as they should be without all the dark. I want to write the way I used to, no, the way I am supposed to write. I’m going to do it… I am going to be the version of me I’m meant to be.