When routine grows old and emotions run cold, so the song goes. This depression is insidious. Like standing in the ocean close to shore and buffered by one huge wave after the next. How can anyone that understands this depth of cold loneliness can even stand going on living? For the past few days my mind has been reeling in blank thoughts - I have felt faint, dizzy, lightheaded - I don't want to speak with anyone. Yet, where I reside is an utter impossibility - I am constantly being accosted by worthless cocksuckers and their banal chatter.
I am completely lost - I have no sense of direction, no goal, or plan. Even though, I must admit - I have options but I ponder the possibilities that they too will fall to ruin and failure like so many many plans in the past. So I hesitate to commit myself to them. A while ago, back in San Diego, I called my Father and tried to explain my mind set to his simple ass and he just stated, "It sounds like you've given up."
That is the point I have reached - I have given up...
1 comment:
at first, all i can come up with is, "hey, at least you get those cool manic periods sometimes--wish i could say that."
then i realize that's not fair--who am i to say mine is bigger than yours?
get through this one, babe, because you gotta stay strong for the next one--all i can give you right now.
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