Thursday, January 14, 2016

chiding myself


The sleet and the snow outside merged into an icy, shellac gray. When stepping into the sloppy mess it went invisible for a moment, then slid away into the next pedestrian’s shoe or boot, with a squish, and a slush, and a grimace of acceptance. The air was intensely cold and I knew as the wind picked up, slicing over the great desert, no amount of salt or chemical upon the sidewalks would keep the sloshy, miserable mess from freezing and turning treacherous.
I stomped upon the already sodden matt at the door, chiding myself for agreeing to come out on this freezing cold day. The smell of coffee in the agreed upon coffee shop helped, who wouldn’t put their head down and seek warmth?
I walked up to the coffee house counter and a young man came forward. I gave a glance around, the place looked clean and the young man across the counter looked healthy.
“I’ll just have a cup of your house and that scone over there — do you make them here?”
“No, we purchase all of our baked goods from a specialized baker here in Tucson.” He spoke to me as he poured my coffee and warmed my scone, telling me by route the baker used only non GMO flour and fresh ingredients, he even handed me a flyer about the place. I took it but never read it.
I sat down as far away from the door as I could possibly negotiate and waited. He said he would arrive at around 6:15 or 6:30, depending how transportation went. I understood. The MTS was usually good — but the weather was a factor. I looked down at my coffee and scone. I was hungry but not for what was before me. I understood our first meeting really couldn’t be for dinner, a coffee shop would make a better excuse for both of us if we took an immediate dislike to one another, he could even glance in and keep walking.
I took a bite of the chalky white scone and thought, now would be a good time for him to walk through the door as I fought the dry pastry in my mouth. I grabbed the coffee hoping that would help me dissolve the mess and felt the inevitable scald on my tongue. I swallowed hard, sat back and attempted to blink the tears out of my eyes, thinking any moment he would walk through the door.
He didn’t.
Actually I was able to finish the scone, get my free refill and lose myself in the novel I was reading on my smart phone.
When I looked up I was the only one left in the coffee shop and the night was dark. I got up pulled my bag up to my shoulder and placed my coffee cup and plate into a plastic tub near the counter.
It was 9:15.
The young man behind the counter gave me a small sympathetic smile, as if to say — “he stood you up.”
I smiled down at my now dry shoes, then walked to the door and opened it to the cold and icy sidewalk…  

Monday, January 11, 2016

valoo of venus



When I set out to write a novel, it is standard issue to brainstorm the general plot. That being said, here is the first of six parts of the science fiction novel I plan to finish after I am through with the Burroughs book. Please keep in mind, it is written primarily as a blueprint and is subject to change drastically once I begin. But, this is the general idea. A far cry from my previous works. I simply wanted to go in a new direction and try something "fun".

Valoo of Venus
By
Luis Blasini

PART ONE:

The story opens on a television broadcast of a news woman interviewing Edgar Rodriguez, heir to a Texan Oil Tycoon, Jorge Rodriguez. Edgar is twenty-eight: tall, athletic, handsome, and has a witty personality. He graduated in astro-physics at MIT and has spent billions of his inheritance in building the first non-government, commercial rocketship to travel to Mars. He is being interviewed on the landing platform with the rocket behind him out in the New Mexican desert. He states that he is proud to be an American and believes that it is time for our country to lift themselves out of the stagnation of the early 21st century and bring back the spirit of adventurers, inventors, and risk takers of the early past century.

Hours before take-off on this historic event, we find out that Edgar is homosexual as he states his tearful goodbyes to his partner, Kyle Jameson of three years. Make a note to put standard anti-gay situations in the motif of the US military assisting on the base. In addition to Edgar’s father’s dismay on his son’s homosexuality.

Blast off! Edgar soars up into the stratosphere and into outer space. (Reference real accounts from astronauts (Buzz Aldrin, Lance Armstrong) in describing space travel and the orbit of Earth. It must be described with scientific accuracy and heavily use NASA jargon.) Keeping in contact with his base below, Edgar swings around the moon utilizing the catapult effect and begins his long six month journey to Mars. The event is televised live worldwide.

Once out of the moon’s orbit, there is an unexpected meteoroid shower which pummels his ship. Navigation is destroyed, radio arrays are smashed making it impossible to contact Earth and half his oxygen supply is punctured, leaking into space. Glancing out the port hole, he notices he has been knocked off course, the nose of his rocket is pointing directly toward the sun and he is hurtling at it thousands of miles per hour! Unable to alter course, Edgar accepts his fate of burning up in the sun and hunkers down to the long journey toward eventual death.

At the fifth month, tired, bored, and depressed (he bided his time exercising, reading, contemplating suicide - use comical vignettes), Edgar glances out his port hole and notices the amber crescent disc of Venus slowing passing into view. He bursts out in half-crazed laughter as he realizes he won’t be burning up in the sun after all, but in the hot, sulfuric acid infused atmosphere of Venus!

Donning a survival suit and mask, Edgar prepares himself for his decent onto Venus. The rocket buckles and shakes as it plummets through the tumultuous yellow clouds of sulfuric acid. Edgar screams in horror, realizing that this is the end. Suddenly, steam and howling winds surround the rocket as it shoots downward out of the torment of acid clouds and into a dark navy layer below comprised of water. Water!? Edgar finds his rocket screaming down through what seems to be an atmosphere of earthly hurricane-like conditions – dark grey and hellish – raindrops streaking the pitted port hole. The rocket stops buckling violently as Edgar peers out the portal and is now diving rapidly through monumental yet calm and billowing clouds!

Quickly, Edgar pulls a lever which emits a series of parachutes designed to slow the rocketship in its previously intended decent into the Martian atmosphere. The torpedo-like ship rattles violently but slows as Edgar straps on a backpack and decides to parachute toward the surface. Throwing open the outer hatch, Edgar leaps out of the cockpit – he briefly glances the rocket streaking away into an enormous cloud bank. Edgar falls…and falls…and falls…through various layers of clouds, each with highly different pressures. He breaks through the bottom of one and notices a vast, tranquil sea of mist below stretching out into every direction. He yanks the rip cord and drifts down into the foreboding fog.

He falls through the murky darkness for some time when suddenly he is yanked to a violent halt! Through the gloom, he notices that the wires of his chute are tangled in the branches of a gargantuan tree jutting up through an even thicker layer of mist! There is obviously vegetation on Venus! With much effort, he swings to an opposite branch. Cutting the wires loose and removing the pack, he begins to make his climb down to the surface.

Edgar stops to rest on a giant tree branch. Amazed and fatigued, glancing at his watch, he has been descending the same tree for three hours and still has not reached the surface! He looks about at his surroundings. His eyes have adjusted to the murky fog and also noticed that dim yellow light is emitted from the upper third layer of the atmosphere basking everything in an eerie orange, post-dawn glow. He can now see he is in the midst of a massive jungle of colossal trees and foliage jutting up from a seemingly bottomless pit of grey fog.

Suddenly, a bit away, he hears something moving. A beast the size of a Shetland pony but resembling a palpitating, white grub worm on six crab legs and sporting a nasty scorpion-like stinger drops onto the branch stalking him. Behind the thing, two more of the same beasts creep into view. They emit a piercing shriek as they lurk forward to attack. Without any weapons, Edgar turns to run when the first thing springs through the air and lands onto his back. He can feel the hot saliva from the thing dripping on the back of his neck as he is pinned down by powerful claws. Suddenly, he senses intense heat and then smells burning flesh as the thing falls off him. Glancing back, he witnesses the second monster leaping into the air at him, but in mid-air, an almost invisible ray of white light fires from out of the fog and kills the beasts. The last monster screams and charges only to be torched by a second burst of the mysterious heat ray.

Gathering his wits, Edgar rolls onto his back just in time to notice a troop of nineteen men approaching. One is holding a ray gun. He holsters his weapon, but doing so, the others draw swords dangling from their hips. Edgar attempts to communicate with them – thanking them for saving his life. They look on in consternation then babble solemnly to themselves as they check out his odd apparel. Edgar realizes they cannot understand one another. The obvious leader of the troop informs Edgar with hand motions that they will be descending the tree and at the points of their swords, he comes to the conclusion he is going with!

For two days the troop scales down the sides of the tree and then swing from massive branch to massive branch deeper into the jungle. Overnight, they spike hammocks against the trunk of a tree and eat and sleep. Edgar learns the name of the leader of the troop is Thufir, other than that, he knows not where he is being taken.

Eventually, they reach a vast walkway meandering through the branches. It leads toward a massive tree at least five thousand feet in diameter encircled with walkways and balconies. Edgar is amazed at the size and ornate design of the "city". What is more amazing is that the city is populated by thousands of handsome men, he sees no women what so ever. How do they repopulate, he muses as he is led through immense ornate doors and down a great vaulted hall. Down more hallways, Edgar notices no elderly or young children – all men from the ages of late teens to early thirties. The men are dark skinned with black hair carrying facial features of south pacific natives. Their clothing is a kind of retro-futuristic military garb.

Edgar is escorted into a colossal hall and presented to their ruler. On a dias, a young man seemingly in his late teens sits on a massive throne carved from a single jade. His face is hidden behind a jeweled and ornate mask of gold and his body is swathed in colorful robes. On either side of the throne stands a guard of twelve warrior women. Thufir bows and explains to the ruler how Edgar was found. A Major Domo of the ruler approaches Edgar and begins examining his clothes, face, hair, teeth – as if he was cattle for sale…or a slave. The Major Domo babbles to the ruler. Thufir and the ruler chatter a lengthy debate and Edgar is ushered out.

Edgar is escorted to a large room with a small balcony looking out into the jungle. The room is obviously his chambers. Regal and lavishly furnished, Edgar realizes it is a prison none the less...

END OF PART ONE

Saturday, January 09, 2016

excerpt from current novel


Here is an excerpt from the second chapter - Mexico City Blues - of the Burroughs novel. It is the first draft, so I apologize for any sloppiness or errors. My motis operandi is to write the entire manuscript and then edit out the excess and indiscrepancies, as any sane writer should. I vary rarely edit while I am writing the first draft. The second chapter is to introduce all the supporting characters of the novel, here it focuses on Kells Elvins.

Joan slammed the oven door shut to drown out the raucous laughter issuing from the dining room, irritably recalling that morning when William burst into the apartment overly ecstatic, relaying news that Kells Elvins had returned to Mexico City with his wife, Marianne.
   Apparently, the newlyweds rented a new apartment on boulevard Ávila Camacho out on the road toward Guadalajara near the remodeled golf course. William related that a few years prior Elvins spent time in Cuernavaca studying with Erich Fromm; he learned some Spanish and now wished to continue his studies. He enrolled in Fromm’s psychology course at the medical school of UNAM, the Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México. William then informed Joan, and without much notice of preparation, he had invited Kells and his wife over for dinner that evening.
   “As I was saying, I served as a marine during the war where I lost hearing in one ear thanks to a fucking Jap shell bursting right by my head.” Kells sat at the head of the table, dressed impeccably in a pressed white shirt, black slacks, and a pearl-buttoned black and grey sweater vest, nursing his martini. He swung the glass about in a well-manicured hand to accentuate a point in his story. A tall man who possessed classic, well-defined features, he was immensely attractive to women, with deep black eyes, curly, wiry brown hair. William believed he was the most charming man he ever met; well built, athletic, and described on occasion as “a playboy.” Charismatic, cultured, and well-read in many fields, Kells attained an excellent vocabulary and as he spoke, held everyone captivated with every word and gesture.
   Kells took another sip of his martini, “At the time, my radio code name was Big Picture and my colonel was one Shifty Schaeffer. I had just hit the beach with Major Ash, whose radio name was Clinker, and as our unit rushed in there was a hail of machine-gun fire. I immediately dropped onto the sand and tugged at Ash’s trouser leg, urging him to get his ass down. At that point machine-gun fire sheared off the top of Major Ash’s head raining his blood and brains down all over me. Colonel Schaeffer called on the radio and asked, ‘Howya Elvins. Put Major Ash on the phone.’ Momentarily stunned, I simply radioed in, ‘Big Picture calling Shifty, Clinker is dead.’”
   “Big Picture calling Shifty, Clinker is dead.” Repeated William. “What poetry.”
   “How was the farming business in Texas with Kells, Bill? I understand you both made quite a profit from your collaboration.” Across from William sat a very pregnant Marianne Woofe, Kells’ second wife. A well-bread and attractive woman, she attempted to put on the air of enjoying the evening. The fact was, she actually wished to leave. She recalled, during a stay in an Acapulco resort, she noticed a scorpion skittering across the tile floor of their bungalow and discerned immediately it was a malicious creature. She felt the same way about William. Her eyes scanned the man who sat across from her - cadaverous looking with yellow fingers, thin lips, bad teeth, and eyes resembling those of dead fish. The prospect of spending the entire evening in the company of this distasteful character was becoming intolerable.
   William lit a cigarette, tossed the match into a large marble ashtray next to him overflowing with smoldering cigarette butts, “Well, my dear, I wouldn’t say it was bad. It did offer its perks. There were the weekend trips to the coast, Corpus Christi and South Padre Island, and during the week long evenings drinking and smoking on Kells’s porch or at my own digs. Priorities, my dear, priorities.”
   With nimble fingers, Kells fished the olive in his martini, plucked it into his mouth and chewed, “However, it turned out that 1950 witnessed the worst freeze in the Valley for fifty years, decimating the citrus groves and nearly putting us out of business. That’s when I decided it was time to fold. I explained to Bill, ‘I want to make a lot of money. I think selling is a good solid clean thing to do.’ Eventually, I sold my land and, using tips given to me by Clint Murchison, invested wisely in oil enough to provide myself with an income of a thousand dollars a month. And with that, here I am.”
   “Clint Murchison?” Marianne asked.
   “Old friend. Texas oilman. I would sit around with his cronies and ask, ‘Hey Clint, when are you gonna get yourself cured?’ You see, “cured” meant get rich, properly rich, not the two or three million Clint already had. He always offered to help me if I asked, so I was understandably well disposed toward him.”
   “Oh.” She said.
   “Marianne, do you realize Bill and Joan share a certain psychic ability?” Kells asked. He noticed his new wife was becoming bored with this patter and decided to change the subject.
   She glanced at the scarecrow figure in a worn fedora shrouded in cigarette smoke under the harsh yellow light of the ceiling lamp. “Psycho, did you say?”
   “Now, now, Marianne. Don’t be a square. I for one respect the “second sight” Bill and his wife possess.”
   “Really?” She smirked.
   Burroughs swirled his sherry in his dirty glass. He detected her contempt, however for his respect of Kells, decided to keep his demeanor cordial. Not looking at her, his focused his attention on the sherry. “Indeed. Back in Pharr, Kells would ask me, ‘Tell me about the man, Burroughs, tell me about his hands.’ Eyes closed, I would concentrate on Murchison. ‘I see his hands are twisted, he has terrible arthritis. His hands are twisted. Being down there with all that shale.’ And Kells would say, ‘Yes, the man’s got arthritis, that’s right, Burroughs.’ ”
   “Really?” She sighed. This time she wasn’t holding back her disdain.
   “And don’t forget our excursions over to Reynosa.” Kells smiled. “By the way, Bill, did you hear about Gene Terry?”
   “Ah, yes. Tiger Terry.” William took a sip of his sherry, swirled the contents in his mouth, swallowed. “He would haphazardly drive around in a ’38 Ford Pickup he called The Black Death. Excitable kid. Once, he entertained me by performing an impromptu tightrope balancing act on the top strand of a barbed wire fence. Whatever happened to him?”
   “Well, Gene got drunk and went into the lion’s cage at Joe’s bar,” He glanced at Marianne, “That’s in Reynosa, Mexico.” He focused back to William. “One of the lions leapt up and clawed his back, leaving some nasty scars. José and the waiters always warned Gene to stay away from the lions, but he wouldn’t listen.”
   “How horrible.” Marianne interjected.
   Ignoring her, Kells continued to William, “One night, Gene boasted to two friends how he would pet the lions, but they didn’t believe him, never having been to Joe’s. The three drove across the border, went to a few bars, finished up at Joe’s around 1:30 a.m., where Gene showed them the lion cage. The waiters warned him to stay away. Gene snuck in when they weren’t looking. He lifted the large wooden bar across the door and dragged his terrified friends inside. His flashlight startled the lioness and she attacked him. His friends ran to safety outside the pen, but the door slammed behind them. As Gene was about to open it, the lioness slashed open a main artery in his leg, then dragged him down by his neck. His gruesome screams brought the staff running. They pushed the door open and several of them went in, chucking bottles and glasses at the lioness. She dropped Gene and Roberto Perez, the lions’ trainer, held her back with a chair as he leveled his .45 and fired, hitting her in the chest, killing her.”
   At that, Joan hobbled out of the kitchen and plopped the metal basin holding the roast onto the table with a resounding thud.
   “Dinner, folks.” Joan croaked.
   “Ah, wonderful! I am famished!” William exclaimed extinguishing his cigarette.
   Before his two guests could utter their approval, with a large cutting knife, he attacked the roast like a savage animal, rending off huge hunks of meat which he threw onto their plates. Disgusted, Marianne gawked when she noticed the roast was nearly raw, the majority glistening in pinks to deep red. She sat silently as then William proceeded to snatch up from his plate a great slab of dripping, greasy meat in both hands and gnaw at it voraciously.
   Not touching her dinner, Marianne asked with a placating smile, “Do you plan to return to the states, Mr. Burroughs?”
   Between noisy chomps, William stated, “Still under indictment in New Orleans for possession of narcotics. Having jumped my bail, my first move is to locate a competent lawyer to block any possibility of being extradited.”
   “Oh.” She sat in silence the remainder of the meal.
   After dinner, the friends sat in the living room having drinks. Joan, though polite and made it her duty to keep her guests glasses full, remained silent. She gazed with crimson eyes at the stately woman who sat in the corner chair, not holding a beverage and obviously looking down her nose at the proceedings.
   Guess I could warm up to the uppity cunt, Joan thought.
   “Can I offer you a drink, Mrs. Elvins?” Joan asked.
   Marianne averted her cold gaze from Kells. She thought Joan as a frumpy, amorphous woman, with a doughy face and large eyes belonging in antique dolls, made of blue glass and vacant, reflecting everything and seeing nothing. To Marianne, she seemed placid and shy, or a well-meaning mental patient let out for the afternoon.
   “You can call me Marianne.” She smiled.
   “Can I offer you a drink, Marianne?”
   “Do you have any milk?”
   “Milk?”
   “Yes. Milk, please. I don’t wish to imbibe while I am with child.”
   “Pfft.”
   Joan placed her glass of tequila onto an end table, as she stood, her pocketbook fell onto the floor and popped open. Pills of every shape and color cascaded out and rolled across the dirty rug. Gracelessly, Joan got down on her hands and knees and picked them up by the handful, shoveling the pills back into her purse, smiling and murmuring to herself. As Marianne silently looked on this pathetic creature, neither Kells nor Burroughs gave her the slightest attention.
   The alcohol taking effect, Kells slurred, “Remember, Bill, in between my drinking and farm management, I was attempting to write the Great American Novel, but alas never devoted enough time or attention to it.”
   William recalled, “Yes. You never did write all that much. Always encouraged me, though.” His attention flitted over to Marianne. “Kells felt, in a way, that without my influence he would never have realized anything, I do believe turned him on to possibilities beyond he would not had realized unless he had known me: a less conventional life, less conventional ways of thinking, and his basic interest in writing came from the work that we had done together.”
   “Oh, you two collaborated on a book?” She asked her husband. “You never mentioned that, Kells.”
   “A short story, actually.” He said down his glass. “A rather hilarious incident taking place aboard a sinking ship. Based it on the Titanic…”
   “Sounds morbid.” She chuckled. “I like romances, myself.”
   “Well, my dear, nothing came of it.” William sniffed.
   “I must admit, Marianne, I consider Bill the most fantastic writers I had ever seen. I did keep all of letters and reread them often. The man has talent.”
   “That is very kind of you to say, Kells.” William said. He turned to Marianne, “I necessitated someone to tell me I had talent and could do it. On occasion, Kells suggested I simply set down, in a straightforward, reportorial manner, my adventures as a junky, which I proceeded to do.”
   “You’re writing it?” Kells asked.
   “Wrote it. I call it Junk. A month prior, I employed a young woman named Alice Hartman, who was enrolled in the Writing Center at MCC, to type the manuscript. The entire manuscript being written in long hand. The woman was a proficient typist, but we were at odds when she insisted on making editorial changes. Every time I wrote “junk”, the broad would change it to “opiates,” and I constantly reprimanded her for that, ‘But I want to use the word ‘junk,’ I don’t want to call it ‘opiates.’’ I sacked the ignorant bitch and typed it myself that by this last January, I sent the completed manuscript to my friend Lucien and asked him to attempt to sell it to a New York publisher for a $1,000 advance. Very likely it won’t sell at all. But you never know.”
   “How exciting.” Marianne stated. “I wish you success, Mr. Burroughs.
   “A thousand dollars is an admiral chunk, Bill.” Kells said. “I seriously believe you could make a vocation out of your writing.”
   William chuckled at the thought. His laughter sounded like an unoiled machine. His usual monotone held a tinge of aspiration. “Indeed, the advance would come in handy. I wrote Junk largely for money. Of course, being responsible not only for myself, but also for Joan and the children, I have an absolute duty to place their welfare high on the priority list.”
   Gathering her pills, Joan stood. “He also has to pay for his junk and cocaine.” Joan grunted, “A book called Junk. How apt.”
   “The milk, Joan.” William stated, sipping his martini.
   “Yes, my liege.” She did a slight curtsy and wobbled into the kitchen, clomped out, and handed the half full bottle of milk to Marianne. She didn’t offer a glass. “How did you and Kells meet? Or did you get married on account he knocked you up?”
   “I beg your pardon?” Marianne said, taken back.
   “Well, it is a rather amusing story.” Kells smiled.
   Marianne’s faced was flushed crimson in rage. “If you tell that story I’m going to throw this bottle of milk right at your head.”
   Ignoring the threat, Kells continued, “I was entertaining some friends at a nightclub when I saw this beautiful, but well intoxicated, woman staring at me from the bar. I made my way over, we struck up a conversation. I never knew a woman so passionate when drunk. Immediately, she invited me up to her room and…”
   With an infuriated ‘oh!’, Marianne threw the milk, hitting Kells across the temple. A look of such fury crossed his face that William was certain that he was going to leap up and bust her across the chops, but then he collected himself and said calmly, “If you’re going to do a job you might as well do it right.”
   He picked up the bottle from the floor next to him and casually poured the remainder of the milk over his own head.
   Marianne shot up from her seat, strode to the door and collected her coat and purse hanging on pegs attached to the wall. She turned and shot, “Mr. Kells Elvins, you are, by far, the most graceful man I had ever met. You are also alcoholic, volatile, and sadistic,” She glanced at William and Joan, “and, in my humble opinion, overly tolerant of the hangers-on who provided you with an audience.”
   She flung the door open, stormed out, slamming it behind her. The three sat in silence, listening to Marianne clomp down the stairs and out across the patio.
   Joan casually fished into her purse, popped a Benzedrine tube and stated, “Bill was right, Kells, with the ladies, you sure can pick them.”

Friday, January 08, 2016

nobody wants to hear

Nobody wants to hear about my every­day life anymore. Nobody wants the truth I want to offer up, even though I listen courteously to your bullshit, mindless intellectual swill spewed over organic dinners with vegan options. My small talk’s not spicy like your authentic curry recipes. The setting for my anecdotes are smoky bars or seedy truck stops or a one bedroom flop for misguided and horny youth. The characters in my anecdotes aren’t five hundred pound, no good, mohawked boyfriends with shitty bands’ and shitty vans that I have to crawl under to unstick the gears. At least not anymore.
Nobody wants to hear about my new life. About writing and insomnia and bowel movements so black and hard they look like lumps of coal staining the bowl. About caring for cast iron, lovingly caressing the heavy black weight of a lightly rusting pan with two fingers, lubed up in lard. Nobody wants to hear about a man who’s slowly dying from depression and a burning mind of black nostalgia. A man who’s ready to die. Demented and dimmed by his age. Yet, sharp as a cliché tack. Nobody wants to hear…

Wednesday, January 06, 2016

It’s not really a secret I struggle with depression. I don’t really know how to apologize for the way I exist. I’m not always sure when I should. I’ve been trying to write about these things. It’s not easy. Writing about queer things is so simple because I’m comfortable with those things - these things are not comfortable, not easy, too close, too exhausting, too painful.

Tuesday, January 05, 2016

write between the eyes

Sitting here in this coffee shop hopped up on high-octane caffeine pounding out a section about Kells Elvins for that Burroughs novel. As mentioned previously, I am flip-flopping between works, Valoo of Venus which is my escape and yearning to write something both fun and to clear all these childhood fantasies from my head. What is it about? Hmmm. Good question. I loathe comparing my writing to other works, but if I were pitching it in as a standard Hollywood spiel, I could safely say "If Alejandro Jodorowsky wrote his take on John Carter of Mars and it was directed by Bruce LaBruce"...I guess. When asked, I simply state, "It's about an astronaut stranded on Venus and has this swashbuckling Flash Gordon-like adventure. And it's gay themed."
I stayed up until 3am this morning finishing a chapter on Joan Vollmer. Poor Joan. The more I learn of her, the more tragic the tale becomes. I realize things were different back in the 1950's. The beats were real jerks to the women by 21st century standards. Even though I grew up idolizing Burroughs and his work and life influenced and paralleled my own, he was a bit of an asshole.
Well, as previously stated, my goal is to complete the first draft of this Kells Elvins section (google him) so enjoy the impromptu covers I designed for publication. I am certain they will be honed and/or changed by time the novels are finished, but they were fun to create, never the less.





*for Blew the Shot, here is the first draft back cover blurb...it, too, needs editing. Haven't written one for Valoo of Venus, yet.

RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES

It was the shot heard round the countercultural world – the Big Bang of the Beats, as it were.

At a party one night in Mexico City in 1951, writer William Burroughs drunkenly talked his wife Joan Vollmer into standing against the wall with a water glass on her head while he fired a gun at her.  His ostensible purpose was to imitate the daring marksmanship of William Tell, who could easily put a bulls-eye through an apple perched on someone’s head.  Alas, Burroughs, addled with heroin addiction and general drunkenness and lunacy, was no William Tell.  Joan was shot in the head and died shortly thereafter.

This excellent novel centers on this appalling incident, drifting back and forth in time as a sort of mystery, examining the reasons and underpinnings behind Burroughs murder of Vollmer (which, truthfully, it was).  The motivations and events, examined and tossed about like pigs in a blanket, craft a story that’s part biography, part horror tale, and part affecting psycho-drama.

The author Luis Blasini leaves lusciously ambiguous whether the shooting itself was murder, drug-fueled madness, or one of those great historical incidents that exceeds its reality to become a metaphor for art and destruction.

BLEW THE SHOT slides artfully along the razor’s edge suggesting his character might be either a genius or merely a debauched loon.  There’s the sense of a man who’s tormented by the demons of his lusts and appetites, and is often helpless before them, particularly when it turns out he sort of likes his drugs and his sexuality.

Monday, January 04, 2016

the dawning of a new era...probably.

No. No, it can’t end like this. Not yet. There is more to tell.
Back when I was hanging from an improvised noose in another botched attempt to release myself from this mortal coil, it dawned on me that I couldn't leave just yet, I need to finish that Burroughs book. So, along with the light hearted space opera, I have been working unrelentlessly on BLEW THE SHOT, a harrowing tale of William S. Burroughs account in Mexico City in the '50's resulting in the murder - yeah, that was what it was - of his wife Joan Vollmer. So far, I really like the outcome of the first two chapters...I even jumped the gun and designed a cover...which I am certain will be altered upon publication...a ver.
Indeed...well, I assume I owe you an explanation…
The story so far...
Two months ago, I left Tijuana in bitterment and contempt, jumped a jet, and flew to Tucson, Arizona. I had, over a period of ten years – damn old age – acquired a case of acute calcium spurs in my left foot which resulted in pain whenever I walked. My healthcare was still active from when I signed up for it back in Yuma. I mired a month in the Primavera Men’s Shelter before renting a room at the local transitional housing apartments. A comfortable, clean apartment wherein my rent was only thirty percent of my monthly income. Though inhabited by morons and whiny Americans (what is the deal with privileged Americans, no matter how far down on the social ladder they still find time to bitch when receiving free shit?), I used said Healthcare and made a date free and gratis to have this operation to correct my malady.
During this time, I began penning two new novels (I tell you, escaping death really sparks the creative juices) biding my time while I heal from the footwork.
So, Dear Reader, bear with me. My time in Tucson will not be permanent. I have already set in motion that before old age sinks it's talons in me and flung into some retirement home with my withering buttocks slung across a cold uncaring bench, I wish to circumnavigate the world, see it’s wonders and then perhaps afterwards settle down in retirement.
However, I will be using this blog in the meantime to hone my writing skills, vomiting out whatever prose passes through my careening mind.
Hope you enjoy the ride and, oh yeah…

Monday, November 02, 2015

Sunday, November 01, 2015

how do i deny that part of my soul?

How do I deny that part of my soul?
Desires to die, to be destroyed, do not grow old.
Do not grow tired, do not grow weary,
Just grow cold.
How do I deny that part of my soul?

Friday, October 30, 2015

long story short

We met, as most do, in a decrepit dive bar called Noa-Noa located on the scuzzy edges of Zona Norte. At the time I enjoyed the joint in lieu it was rarely, if ever, frequented by the homo-sexpat crowd swarming in over the border every weekend. Assholes.
Over beers, he said his name was Fernando. A pleasant personality and quite charming, he didn’t fit the mold of your garden variety rentboy, sulky and aloof. Later that evening, during the obligatory drag show, we drunkenly made out in the piss saturated mensroom against the gray, bare concrete wall. Fondling, groping, our tongues exploring one another’s mouth all the while a curious twink gawked from a urinal with hard on exposed and willing. No time for that pup as Fernando and I rushed over shattered concrete sidewalks to my murky apartment and committed crimes against nature until the next rising dawn.
I expected to never see him again as we shook hands on the sidewalk, hung over and in dulled agony from our all night pounding of each other, nonetheless I was pleasantly surprised when he appeared at my doorstep several days later all smiles and horny.
A friendship blossomed. In post coital reprieve, he confided his love for women and how he desired a wife and kids and I revealed my mad schemes of being a writer and he being delighted on how I was not your typical possessive American fag who usually haunts the bars of the Plaza. Assholes.
Years crawled as Fernando and I became close friends. The adventures we had! His girlfriends came and went as with his loathsome excursions in being snared in the web of various petty queens. Equally tolerating my rampant drug addiction, my liaisons with brief relationships…and yet, all through that, we remained steadfast friends.
As fate would have it, ultimately I left Tijuana to live the life of a hobosexual, documenting my lurid adventures and insane dreams. A decade passed and I found myself wrapped in my borrowed flesh flat on my ass back in Tijuana. I learned that Fernando was married to pleasant woman and supporting his wife and child by working the clown circuit at occasional birthday parties and pumping cash from various old rich queens around town. Through one loathsome character, I ascertained that Fernando was performing in front of the camera for a lecherous sexpat who attempted to corner the gay porn market as far as Tijuana rentboys were concerned. Luckily the venture flopped. Asshole.
Soon after, Fernando and I were re-acquainted at a local café and resumed our friend with benefits relation. I met his family, assisted him with various over-due bills, and even purchased some outlandish if over-priced clown shoes for his payaso act. My stay in Tijuana was cut short in lieu of my personal demons and I once again pulled up my stakes and jet with nary a goodbye to anyone.
Time jump to the present. I am ambling down the bustling street with the crushed personality of one who is dead inside when a cadaver literally pops out of a pile of garbage in an adjacent alley way. Covered in grit and soiled clothes, the emaciated and toothless thing new my name. It was Fernando. I had to do a double take. I looked him over and asked what the fuck happened? Apprehensively, he stated he was addicted to meth, a drug he indulged in heavily while being locked up the last few years on account of a smuggling incident gone wrong. My heart ached as I stood there listening to his tales of woe. His wife long gone, shunned by his daughter. He noticed my eyes were shrink wrapped in tears as I fought my anguish at seeing him in such a dire state. I’m guessing strictly from guilt and embarrassment, he quickly excused himself and disappeared down the sordid alley before I had a chance to offer any sort of assistance.
Two days ago at a café, a shriveled old queen confessed he heard that Fernando was found dead in Zona Rosa behind a bar, stabbed to death by an assailant. They never found his attacker. Asshole.

Rest in peace, old friend. I am so sorry.

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

hardest hour


He rushed through the days like he was chasing the night. And, indeed, when the night fell into his grasp, he sighed skinny pre-rolled cigarettes into the darkness and slept the heavy, dreamless sleep of the conqueror.
Waking was his hardest hour. In the dawn, where the nights pleasures were washed away in nicotine nausea his heartbeat would begin the chase again before his feet touched tiled and dirty floors.
He deflected inquiries and requests. He was too busy for help, for after work drinks. He never responded to Facebook messages. He carried his phone in his pocket, but he never had time to charge it.
Twilight was my hardest hour. I’d return to an unfamiliar apartment, with shabby furniture and a strange smell – musty clothes and fried onions - a cordial greeting, and stifled silence.
Every time I rang, I’d hear the same pentametric response, “Juan no está aquí, por favor deje un mensaje” and then the measured sounds of his own breath as I forego the voicemail he would never hear.

Sunday, October 25, 2015

coffee shop confessional


2pm marks the gentle buzz of coffee shops and the hum of humanity untroubled in light conversation with friends and lovers. Light pattering of rain against the thick glass of the shop’s windows and doors as small and pleasant reminders to not let your thoughts drift too far. The hiss of the milk steamer fully brings me back to reality. I hear people around me laughing at dreary anecdotes, flirting through generic compliments and responding in awkward disbelief. The couple to my left, knees entwined are talking in a hushed tone about how much they love each other over the slowly rising steam of their coffees. Hair twirled in slender fingers and cheeks rise in rouge. I sigh contemptuously; an unconscious decision.  The iced Americano sat before my eyes condensates gently, similarly to the rain outside. The water rolls slowly down the plastic cup onto the deep mahogany countertop, creating a small pool that is sure to dampen my sleeve when I’m not paying attention. I push my glasses further up on the bridge of my nose to readjust my vision, allowing me to focus on the nature outside from the comfort of being inside. That is, assuming being inside the coffee shop is more comforting. I gaze down toward my blank notebook.
I’d rather be at home…

Saturday, October 24, 2015

spit variations of a theme

Catch my begger’s reflection in storefront’s window display hawking colognes, cufflinks and cigarette cases. This fuckin culture. A parade of pre-paid promises. Cut your corpse to suit this week’s style, stink of the finest ambergris and penis will swarm like blowflies to fresh excrement. Truth in advertising. Nevermind that this week’s sheik is next week’s antique. Chase that dirty paper down that one-way street. Nevermind how one day your prick will wither and all cocks turn to ugly borrowed flesh. Make yourself inta a mannequin for Mammon. Follow fashion all the way to the ovens, you ignorant pigs.
You blew the scene, pendejo. You think you’re original but you’re a dead brand walking.
Your readers can twist your name inta a brand but you can’t burn me. I’ll give you writing. Feast your lies on this: try and commodify my words when it’s up your ass. Read that, you greedy little queens.
But not much longer. Settle every debt. Outstanding.
Wonder what kinda slop they serve at the psych ward these days.
Split lips pull away from receding gums in the glass. Teeth feel loose. Why’m I staring at this shit? Time is it? Nine maybe. Gotta eat. Coffee, clear the grog outta my noggin. Seize the day. Focus fucked since I wigged back at Carlos’. No place to sleep. Nothin but sink baths. What’m I doing? Sleeping in alleyways is for dogs. Fine when you’re twenty-nine, but at my age? Crazy.
Okay. Okay. Filch food, find an unbroken smoke somewhere. Get it together. Where’s the nearest Starbuck’s?
Hitting the trolley for downtown SD. You learn, waiting for trains. People stand in specific spaces for particular cars. The rat racers crowd front of the platform because they’ve confused status with speed, like they’ll get there fastest by being firstest. Writer types never sit for fear of pickpocket delinquents, teething to grab the rails nearest the door so they can pretend to read tweets and updates on where and what their friends are eating. Blacks meander, weary waiting for window seats wherewith to eyeball the rest of us in reflection, or they’re teenage peacocks, can’t wait to stride the aisles smooth as hardhats on I-beams, allatime flirting & bullshitting. I wait by the handicap ramp with the Mexicans for the last car. It’s the rear view for me.
When those doors open they always sound like they’re asking the secret word.
Today’s crimson chariot is sparse. Three navy men in dark wool coats. A trio like they’re welded together. Obscure insignias on their caps. The tallest carries an ipad, the shortest an instrument case of some kind. Miniaturized tape recorder maybe. Mister hands-free has a pipe, the prick. Standard-issue Hefners, chiseled expressions and phony cologne. The Mexicans shuffle to the front of the car. Who can blame ‘em?
Just when I think all the variety has been crushed outta this fuckin world in glides this lithe fag in smoked glasses, black turtleneck, would you believe, leading a wolfhound. As I wonder if he’s blind he smiles one of those wiiide, spacy smiles that belongs in the old Hollywood movies but in this moment is all for me. Gauging his mutt’s custardy eyes it’s obvious he’s no guide. His cheeks look slightly hollow and his swooped ebony bangs gained some verdigris but those full lips are the sexiest contemplation I’ve harbored in weeks. At least! Love don’t have an expiration stamp, honey, oh no no. As we push off I decide his kinda class deserves a show.
Thumbing toward the boys. “Hey sailors.” The trio favors me with all the cordial disinterest of French queers. “Must be crusin’ for an invite to the Vulcan Baths?” They stare with the dead eyes of a wounded dog.
The fag has a windchime kinda laugh.
Howbout that. The fag shares my sense of humor. Don’t much dig his mangy alsatian but the solid jaw line remind me of this dude I saw at Ranchero Bar in TJ. Suddenly the fag’s pressing this mildewed purple mag inta my hands. Process Number 5: on the crimson backboard of a pinball machine sits a nekkid guy in full lotus, semen pourin outta his mouth, flowin over his pecs. So he likes porno. Okay. Breathe. Press the advantage. Seize the moment. Make conversation. What to say?
“Y-you like pinball? Me too.” Of all the corny…
As he reaches to spread the mag for me I realize he’s a sink bather as well. Stale. The pages are a collage of freakout imagery: crystal skulls, hell’s angels whipping dragons with tire chains, apocalyptic death kink. My heart caroms in my ribcage like a drunk with the D.T.s. I don’t deserve this. There’s dandruff on the thinning fabric of his sweater like chips of ice right above a jeweled goat’s-head pin. Mary mother of shit.
The short Navy jerk clutches the instrument case to his chest like a solid gold bible. San Diego Trolley people! Don’t you navy boys talk that chivalry balls alla time? Can’t you see this bitch is bad news?
Pressed inta the corner, momentum reminds me of the whalebone propping me up as sooty tile slams past on both sides and I’m calculating the millimeters to full stop. Queen witch transfers the leash to his right and gimmes in my face a brush with ashy, foul-smelling fingers.The routines people put down these days!
“Freely have ye received, freely give. The workman is worthy of his meat…”
The onomatopoeia of sliding doors sighs exeunt: “Ehhh, some other time!” and I fade backward inta the workflow of away. San Diego. Every hour’s a rush.
Toss the freak's rag in a bin. The fag’s still shouting after me about foes and households and who knows what all as I cut the corner toward Horton’s. Nevermind. Pretend he didn’t happen. Hopes are for crushing. Gotta grind 'em with your toes like a dead smoke. Walk head up, stare at all that sky. He wouldn’t of asked me back to his place anyway.
“Freedom Scientology number eleven!  Freedom Scientology number eleven!  An exposé of the weird cult of psychiatry! Sir! Did you know that in 1945 the first director-general of the Doubleyou-Aitch-Oh said 'If the race is to be freed from the crippling burden of good and evil it must be psychiatrists who take responsibility’? It’s true! Miss! A psychiatrist! 'We must accept our responsibility to remodel the world’! A Canadian! These are not my words! Read them yourselves! Freedom Scientology number eleven! Sir! Dr. Brock Chisholm! 'We must root out and destroy the most flourishing parasitical growth in the world: the tree of knowledge of good and evil’! These are not my words! An exposé of the weird cult of psychiatry! Freedom Scientology number eleven! Sir?”
“Fuck outta my face with that, mutherfucker.” How’m I in Diego? When did I…?
So hungry. Should write down so I stop forgetting. Right. The plan. This morning. Dropped the manuscript and saved files with Lee. Worryin over my teeth. So sick of feeling angry. None of that is now. I need bearings. Housing style says I’m adjacent to…
What kinda breakfast they serve in State Psychiatric Center of San Diego? Thought of a cot has me droolin. Not a bedroll, an actual bed. Not a blanket of breezes in a tarry corner of the skyline but an actual bed! Catch my begger’s reflection in the window of a pretty Plymouth.  Should do somethin about my hair. Dip in a sink somewhere. Check pocket for soap chips and feel… a wadded napkin? A peso.
When’d I grab this?
“'God is no longer a useful hypothesis’! These are not my words! 'God broods over our world like the smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat’! These are not isolated views! Freedom Scientology number eleven! Sir! An exposé of the weird cult of psychiatry!”
Pitch like his, what’s left to read? Hunger pangs have me laid across this parking meter like a crutch. Wind from up the block blows an argument with a cop. Barely hear over this bozo barking. Like any other argument except not. What now…“Freedom Scientology number eleven! Anti-Christ and subversive! Psychiatry denies god!”
“Hell it does. Gimme one of those.”
Bury myself in the bullshit. Pretend to be interested in the fanatic’s carny jive how this super-scientific tin can telephone set can cure cancer. Long enough to be certain.
Fuck, the sun. Past noon. Better hoof it.
Goodbye.

Friday, October 23, 2015

shattered choices

The Fall night air wafted in through open windows and bristled my skin. I shivered as the hairs on my arm raised in a subconscious effort to keep me warm. I listened to the muffled sounds of The City street several floors below my apartment, the impatient blaring of taxi horns and the muttering of irritated people. The hell of the night was just beginning.
I could feel the chasm of loneliness widen inside me. It felt so physical I imagined an autopsy being done with the coroner opening me up only to find a yawning black hole where my heart and other vital organs used to be. I smirked at the melodramatic thought.
Checked my phone for signs of life. No emails, no Facebook messages, no Twitter replies or retweets. I checked Google Chat; no-one was online. I thumbed through my Instagram feed, double-tapping some pictures of the summer in Mexico.
I forced myself get up, and paced around the apartment, before turning on the kettle in the crumbling kitchen.
I wanted to coffee, but I realized I would be up all night if I did. I stared at the coffee and at the Milo. This was the crossroads of my night. That notion was depressing enough in so I piled the Milo high, then added two teaspoons of sugar.
With mug in hand, I sat back down in my chair and picked up my phone. No emails, no Facebook messages, no Twitter replies. Nobody on Google Chat. No new Instagram photos.
I opened Vine, in spite of myself. At first I looked at new Vines, watching them loop several times before moving on to the next one. Before long, I had opened my own profile page and was reviewing old posts.
Long gone friends and family looped in front of me on the screen. Birthday parties and the going away speeches of forgotten workmates. And then a single Vine of Saul lying in bed, laughing hysterically. His copper colored lithe form clad in only blue boxers amid glaring white sheets. I watched the Vine on loop and when the screen dimmed, I stroked it, stroked where Saul’s face was, and the screen lit back up.
I fell asleep in the chair, phone in hand, waiting for someone to ask how I was.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

creatures

Major depressive disorder is a disease. A malicious cancer that eats up every nice thought in your head, and every moment which should had been enjoyable. All you can do is watch as your world slow burns, grays into ashes that will abruptly burst into vibrant flames for what feels like the second (or third or fourth or fifth) time, only more intense. One day you find yourself unable to get out of bed, strength gone from words and actions. You can’t explain it to other people because you can’t put it into words and they won’t know how to pick up the pieces anyway. They’ll say, “You’ll get better” or “stop being dramatic”. You get angry with them, but you know deep down that doing so is unfair. How could they understand that there is a sickness in your bones, a pestilence which flows like water in your lungs and you can’t breathe, carnage hiding just below your skin and at your center there is a storm so violent you are afraid it will wash you away?
Every day is a fight; a struggle to survive. There are creatures in your dreams with teeth and claws and bile in their mouths that burn away your happiness for no other reason than to watch you writhe inside yourself. Eventually you realize you don’t even dream and you’ve been awake for hundreds of years and you’re just so fucking tired. The creatures, with bits of decaying flesh stuck to their gums and their manic eyes that you see in the mirror every day tear you apart from inside, and all you can do is say “I’m okay, really I’m fine” because your friend is crying and your parents are crying and all you ever do is hurt them. Can’t do that anymore, too painful, too much pain.
So you begin smiling. Everyone thinks you’re picking up your feet. You laugh, and the sound makes you want to vomit. Your smile feels like acid on festering wounds and it’s impossible to change the bandage because if you pull at the gauze you’re afraid you’ll fall apart right there. A cycle has started; the creatures said it would. They were gnawing at the tendons on your ankles as they told you, ripping them out and savoring the taste, gorging themselves on your flesh. You can’t move your feet, all you can do is smile that stupid smile and repeat, “I’m okay” like a record player too stubborn to move on the threads. Everyone believes it, and you feel guilty about lying but you can’t bear to see them share in your sickness. They are beautiful and lovely and bright and deserve more, you are undeserving of their love. That thought process is becoming more frequent and you judge your value on the teeth and claws buried in decaying flesh on your arms, that burned so good and made your heart restart, if only for a bit.
You’ve come to love the beasts in your head, their constant whispers comforting in the overwhelming static of your thoughts. There’s a persistent roar that makes focusing almost impossible, and those around you worry as you daydream for hours on the floor, phone ringing and ringing and ringing but you can’t hear it clearly and you don’t even want to. It’s too hard now, interacting with others who aren’t ill like you. They laugh from the gut and smile and love, and the whole charade is exhausting.
You don’t know when you stopped showering and began skipping meals. Time is something that you can no longer relate to. At some point, you stopped, and if you had answered your phone at some point in the last 4 months you could tell someone when exactly it was you started becoming withdrawn. Those creatures of malice and snarls and snapping teeth have become your only friends. They comfort you and press their misshapen muzzles against the bare skin of your neck, salivating over the life force being pumped in your jugular. Their breath is cold; it smells like sulfur and plague, while their fur is hot and charred. The smell of burning flesh and fur is normal now. You stroke them, not as afraid as you were of them ages ago. They are the only things you know, the only sense you can cling to. Your friends left at some point, you only remember laying on the floor again and hearing the door shut just after some sad words and eyes and faces gazed at your destroyed form, crippled and bloody and broken in more ways than one.
Professional help seems to be brought up every day by someone with good intentions, but they can’t see how far gone you are. You live in your head, unresponsive and drowning in tar that bubbles and sears in your throat and keeps you from uttering your grievances. You couldn’t talk if you wanted to.
There’s pills. They don’t fix you.
There’s the therapist. She only looks at you over her notebook and you sit in silence, staring at the window but only seeing the creatures stalk around you, making unearthly groans and biting at the flesh on their backs. They’re getting restless, you’ve noticed. They stir frequently, take chunks of meat from your body to greedily devour in the blackest corner of your mind and you find yourself unable to remember if you’ve moved in the last week. Everything is a blur, everything is nothing and nothing is everything.
Your sickness progresses further, your body is heavy. It feels as though someone has strapped a planet to your back and told you to march onwards. Your spine can no longer bend to adjust to the weight on your shoulders and your muscles, those that the creatures have kindly left, cannot strain any further.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

going through the motions


I began shivering a little in the way I do when I’m talking to someone I’d just met, outside for hours, from the chill of the obsidian shadows of this ominous city, yet also from the intensity of making a connection. I liked him a lot. He seemed to be simultaneously more fucked up but also more like me — smart, sarcastic and self-destructive — than anyone I’d ever met in recent memory.
The coffee shop closed, and I invited him back to my place. We sat on my ratty couch and talked awkwardly for a while, attempting not to wake up my neighbor. (When it is quiet in my building, the slightest sounds are amplified.) He told me it was too late for him to find somewhere else to stay for the night, and that we could have sex so he'd have an excuse to stay over. We kissed, showing off our technique to one another. He pulled off his clothes and his belly was hard and brown. I snapped a picture with my cellphone. He reprimanded that I should had asked first.
As attracted to him as I’d been before, in that moment, it seemed as if we were both going through the motions. He said his dick was always shy the first time with someone, but he could go down on me.
The following morning as we shook hands on the corner, he said he didn't find it necessary to meet again. I nodded, looked down at the dirt as he jumped into an approaching taxi. I didn't watch as it pulled away, I stood there looking at the dirt.