Saturday, September 16, 2006

Damn Transexual Cockblockers.


When will I learn.

Okay - several days ago I was at a 7-11 purchasing a carton of orange juice and a pack of Little Debbie's before I had to go to work when I ran into a fellow employee waiting in line behind me. He was also a new hire and in my training class - introduced himself as Roberto. Now, I have had my eye on this guy - I mean there is a lot of eye candy in my class - but this guy was different in some way. Not homo him - definitely hetro - but I was to learn he was not from these parts - he was born and raised in the wilds of Idaho. Idaho - on his fathers ranch. No wonder the guy was built like a brick house - and he had manners - real small town politeness to him. And just a spry twenty one - small town rube. Actually thought El Paso was a big city.

Well, Roberto and I hit it off and after work being his polite self - I was invited to his house yesterday for drinks. I learned that Roberto and his girlfriend and two baby daughters have only been living here in El Paso for three weeks and the poor boy new practically no one. At first Roberto wanted to cruise around El Paso with me, we shot off in his car and somehow wound up at Hooter's for beers. Yeah - Hooter's. I at this time still had not told Roberto that I was special.

So, we sat there drinking three pitchers of Bud and gobbling spicy buffalo wings as the Hooter girls did their stylized ballet throughout the restaurant making every guy in there horny save one - all the while Roberto was getting a buzz going and confiding in me on how much he hated his girlfriend and he wanted to leave her. The alcohol was kicking in my also and - well - the sexual flirtation started and yup, you guessed it - Roberto took it, hook line and sinker.

"Have you ever had sex with a guy?" Inquired I.

"Nah - but, you know, I'll try anything once. Like you said, God put you on this Earth to live, so try experiencing as much as you can - if you like something keep doing it - if you don't - don't. Life is too short. I like your philosophy." He slurred.

However - this guy was quite the pussy whipped - he promise his girl that he would be back in ninety minutes. So, we drove back to his apartment and got plastered on his patio with the help of a case of Steel Reserve and that's some evil shit - and to my surprise - he started to flirt back in the most cutest ways. I think his girlfriend caught on - because all of a sudden her sister invited them to dinner. How convenient. I was driven home (not invited to dinner, family only.) - but Roberto said he would call me later - pealing out, back to pick up the girl and kids.

After eating a can of Ravioli's and conking out - several hours later my cellphone woke me up and Roberto slurred, "I wanna die, dude."

"That's stupid talk, man." I said groggily - stirring outta my drunken sleep the clock read 8:45pm.

"I hate her so much - I gotta get outta here. Can I come over?"

"My door's always open for you, baby boy, you know that."

"Let's go to Juarez - you think fifty dollars is enough to have a good time?"

"More than enough - just bring forty - don't waste your money."

"I'm on my way."
Plan: Get Roberto drunk and seduce him. Case closed.

Twenty minutes later, we are racing to the border - Roberto is so excited for the fact that he has never been to Mexico. Finding parking - we cross the International Bridge and stroll down the main drag that is Juarez Avenue lit up with the neon grotesques of discos and juke-joints. Playing the guide I try to give Roberto the grande tour but the young buck is a kid in a candy store - keeps babbling - "Take me to the whore's - I want some pussy - I gotta have some pussy, now."

"Slow down - don't you wanna look around first?" I keep saying.

We cruise a couple of strip joints - Hollywood's, Virginia's, Fausto's - but the kid was just antsy. So we walked over to the dark and foreboding whore sector and out slithered a prostitute straight from some old French Movie red sequins, fishnets, titanic ta-tas. Roberto nearly came in his baggy jeans - "That one" - Okay, I'll wait here. Standing outside the room, sucking on a Luckie I wonder why would this boy pay money when I would give it for free? Ten minutes - no gotta be less than that! - Roberto stumbles out grabs my arm and mumbles, "Just walk, c'mon - let's go."

Depressed and frustrated, I asked like I have asked a million straight boys before - "Well, how was it?"

"It was a fucking dude!" Robert shook like a leaf. "A motherfucking faggot!"

"Really?" I said without shock. "What did you guys do?"

"Look at me my hands are shaking - I hope I don't have AIDS."

"What did you do?" I repeated, slightly annoyed.

"I fucked it in the ass - but the condom broke. When I pulled my dick out - the condom was ripped - You don't think I will get AIDS do you?"

"You have a better chance at winning the lottery." I assured him - but told him to get checked anyway. Well, that burst the bubble. He was so freaked out kept cursing fags and queers and transvestites under his breath - Roberto just wanted to go back home - on the drive back he just kept mumbling about "I hope that thing didn't give me anything - Oh God - I'll hunt it down and kill it if it it did."


Dropping me off at home - said goodnight and goodluck see you at work Monday and all that jazz - and went to my flat. The poor kid is now scarred for life - another homophobic asshole created by some monstrous tranny. Fixed me a martini and settled down to watch Todd Browning's Freaks playing on cable. Perfect -
gooble gobble.

1 comment:

Jose said...

Well he looked for it I guess!
He should've done you, not someone with fishnets.