Sunday, May 06, 2018


I have found occasionally it is necessary to take my own half-cocked advice. Recently, I was contacted by an acquaintance Stateside - he being William Wiggins from my old El Paso days - who found himself flat on his ass, stuck homeless and destitute in the middle of nowhere. William asked for some financial assistance and me being the big softy I am, wired him some money. Nevertheless, during our phone conversation, I questioned what he planned to do with himself. He explained in precise tones and I admitted his plan was doable with patience and perseverance. But, it was what I said after that affected me: “How bad do you want to meet your goal and futhermore, what are you prepared to do? My advice is by any means necessary, if you want it bad enough.”
For a few days, I pondered that conversation. I had grown stagnant in Tijuana, still bitter over the bad luck of missing my flight last January. In actuality I desired to go, to leave a city I both loathed and adored. However, with my current situation with rent, eating out all the time (the guesthouse offered no kitchen or means to prepare one’s own meals), the mooching boys, purchasing other extracurricular diversions…I was finding it difficult to save funds. I found myself in a financial black hole.
On the fourth of May, I awoke at 5am, shoved all my belongings – clothes, letters, written drafts, notebooks – into my ragged suitcase, stumbled downstairs from the room in the guesthouse I rented and hailed a taxi. Within minutes I was waiting in line at the border. Jumped the trolley to the San Diego airport and purchased a ticket to Phoenix. Taking a taxi from the airport to the Greyhound station, I purchased a bus ticket. I sat in bemused woe, staring out into the scene as it changed from simmering desert to golden hued grassy plains in lieu of a setting sun to majestic fir trees. Within three hours, I made my way to Flagstaff, Arizona. Arriving at the chilly and dark hour of 9pm, I rented a room at the L Hotel off Route 66.
How bad do I want it? At what lengths would I go to attain it? Good question. I placed myself on an if/or mission. I want a secure home to retire and live out the rest of my days in stable comfort. I also desire to continue on to Cambodia and traverse Asia writing about it. I crave both. However, the two proposals polarize one another. I cannot have both. I had longed wished to attain an apartment through section 8, in which I qualify. However, throughout the country, the wait lists are either closed or the wait is decades. During my year hiatus from writing in this blog, that was what I was attempting to do. Bismarck, Tucson, Yuma – all failing miserably. In any case, Flagstaff recently opened their waitlist and with the small population, I reasoned the wait to be no more a few months…if it fails, I would hopefully by that time acquired sufficient funds to continue on to South East Asia.
Tomorrow I will seek out the homeless shelter in this town. From digging with some local hobos, they apparently offer transitional housing to wait the ordeal out. We’ll see.

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