Tuesday, May 29, 2018

obscure moments

I understand coming up here to Flagstaff was a bust. Hell, that revealed itself on the third day after my arrival. On the cusp of leaving this Friday to all points south, I was exiting the shower last night and slipped. I landed pretty hard on my back, banging my head on the hard tile step which lead up into the shower proper. When I attempted to stand back up, I slipped again and twisted and knocked my left knee. I had trouble sleeping, obviously, and spent the afternoon hobbling about downtown in an attempt to walk it off. (The shelter closes its doors at 7am and you are allowed to return at 4pm) My leg, though this morning was severe, the pain seemed to subside when I walk. It’s only when I am stationary and get up to move again that the dull and piercing ache returns. As for my head? Well, aside the tender bump on the back, I do admit I feel slightly dizzy.
It’s obvious, under the circumstances, I am in no state to travel, so I will remain another month…perhaps. I don’t know. My thoughts are not linear and I honestly have no idea where to go or what to do. Every time I think of it, I become emotional and tears swell in my eyes. I am truly lost. I simply want a stable home. A place to retire in and live out my years in unbothered contentment. All this wandering has taken its toll on me as the years continue to slide rapidly by.
Honestly, everything from writing to travelling to even this blog has lost its significance to me. I no longer possess any drive to continue these things. Things that at one time gave me purpose, now fill me with boredom and dread. Perhaps it’s time to disappear from the public eye and fade away into obscurity…

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