Okay...ya ready?
I was sitting in a 24hr porno theater and it was around 7am in the morning. Couldn't sleep for the last two days because I am full of so much pent-up angst! So, I'm sitting alone in this porno theater with the slurps and grunts from the soundtrack echoing in the few centimeters of my skull. Where, I thought, is everybody? I need oral satisfaction.
About thirty minutes passed when this handsome college-type Mexican kid wearing a red sweater and blue jeans came in and sat a couple of seats from me. My stomach knotted in anticipation even though as I glanced over at him he met my look with perturbed annoyance; in porn theaters, bath houses, discos, bars, the usual homosexual facial greeting.
At that moment, the door buzzed, and in walked a scrawny old queen with his grey hair tied back into a ponytail. With prissy galvanized jerks, he sat down right in front of me and blocked my view of the screen. Asshole! I thought. I had to pee real bad, so I got up and rushed to the restroom. I made up my mind that when I got back in the theater I was going to make my move on that Mexican guy.
However, when I got back, that old fag had stolen my seat. Man, that pissed me off, the worthless cockblocker! So, I sat on the opposite side of the Mexican guy with that old bitch on the other side smacking his goddamn gum real loud! I guess the Mexican was a little embarrassed by what was going on and got up and left. Great!! There I was alone in that freaking porn theater with some dried-up ancient vampire smacking gum as loud as he could.
After ten minutes of this, I really was getting agitated. I need some dick! The door buzzed and in lumbered a fat bastard wearing dirty red sweats. That's it! I got up and went to the front lobby and bought some peanuts and a grape nehi soda.
When I got back, that fat guy was sitting in my seat! Why?! What is so special where I sit? Is it a scent I leave? I stomped up and flopped right next to the Fat Man.
"Why is it every time I move, you worthless faggots steal my seat?", I hissed through clenched teeth.
"That's right." He smiled. The stench of halitosis wafted through the room.
"Of course, I'm talking to you, bitch!" I snapped.
"That's right." He repeated with that fuck you look on his face.
There was a white flash in my head and for some reason, I poured my soda all over him. The Fat Man got up...and up...and up. Jumpin' jigglin' jesus, that motherfucker was bigger than I thought! He grabbed me by the collar and as he pushed me out into the aisle he kept slapping me on the back of the head asking in some foreign accent, "Why did you do that? Are you crazy?"
Once in the aisle, I whirled around and popped off several blows to his face. Pow. Pow. Pow. I heard something crack in his blubbery jaw. He started pummeling me with his meaty fists. I jumped up on him, straddling him, holding on with my legs around his waist, punching his face, while gouging my thumb deep into his left eye. "Bitch!" I hissed. "You're goin' down, you fat bitch!"
He pulled me off and flung me across the seats where I landed on my back. Crouched in a Lucha Libre stance, he then flung himself on top of me. Blow after blow smashed into my face as I returned the painful gifts with belts of my own.
I spit into his face blood and saliva and said, "Asshole! You don't know where I've been!"
At that moment, the theater clerk swung open the door and said, "Hey, you can't be fighting in here!"
I got up and pointed at the Fat Man and said between gasps, "Call the police! This motherfucker molested me and when I said no he went ape shit!"
"What?" The Fat man said. "You threw your drink on..."
I cut him off, "This bastard is a psychopath! Your lucky I didn't mace this fucker!"
"You guys hafta go outside." The clerk said.
We three walked through the lobby and as I reached the entrance I could hear the sirens of the police cars that were called. With the Fat Man behind me, I turned and spit on him again. I then raced down the street, around the corner, and I slid into a little dive bar. My eyes were not accustomed to the darkness and I heard a voice, "Can I help you."
"I'll have a Corona!", I breathed. My eyes became accustomed to the light and I saw I was alone and being served by a little old man. He knew something was up from my agitated state. What the hell just happened; I thought as I stared at the water dripping from the condensation on the bottle. What a crazy freak I am sometimes. Sometimes I doubt my own sanity. I am not a violent person by nature, why these sudden attacks?
Maybe I need more fiber...
I was sitting in a 24hr porno theater and it was around 7am in the morning. Couldn't sleep for the last two days because I am full of so much pent-up angst! So, I'm sitting alone in this porno theater with the slurps and grunts from the soundtrack echoing in the few centimeters of my skull. Where, I thought, is everybody? I need oral satisfaction.
About thirty minutes passed when this handsome college-type Mexican kid wearing a red sweater and blue jeans came in and sat a couple of seats from me. My stomach knotted in anticipation even though as I glanced over at him he met my look with perturbed annoyance; in porn theaters, bath houses, discos, bars, the usual homosexual facial greeting.
At that moment, the door buzzed, and in walked a scrawny old queen with his grey hair tied back into a ponytail. With prissy galvanized jerks, he sat down right in front of me and blocked my view of the screen. Asshole! I thought. I had to pee real bad, so I got up and rushed to the restroom. I made up my mind that when I got back in the theater I was going to make my move on that Mexican guy.
However, when I got back, that old fag had stolen my seat. Man, that pissed me off, the worthless cockblocker! So, I sat on the opposite side of the Mexican guy with that old bitch on the other side smacking his goddamn gum real loud! I guess the Mexican was a little embarrassed by what was going on and got up and left. Great!! There I was alone in that freaking porn theater with some dried-up ancient vampire smacking gum as loud as he could.
After ten minutes of this, I really was getting agitated. I need some dick! The door buzzed and in lumbered a fat bastard wearing dirty red sweats. That's it! I got up and went to the front lobby and bought some peanuts and a grape nehi soda.
When I got back, that fat guy was sitting in my seat! Why?! What is so special where I sit? Is it a scent I leave? I stomped up and flopped right next to the Fat Man.
"Why is it every time I move, you worthless faggots steal my seat?", I hissed through clenched teeth.
"That's right." He smiled. The stench of halitosis wafted through the room.
"Of course, I'm talking to you, bitch!" I snapped.
"That's right." He repeated with that fuck you look on his face.
There was a white flash in my head and for some reason, I poured my soda all over him. The Fat Man got up...and up...and up. Jumpin' jigglin' jesus, that motherfucker was bigger than I thought! He grabbed me by the collar and as he pushed me out into the aisle he kept slapping me on the back of the head asking in some foreign accent, "Why did you do that? Are you crazy?"
Once in the aisle, I whirled around and popped off several blows to his face. Pow. Pow. Pow. I heard something crack in his blubbery jaw. He started pummeling me with his meaty fists. I jumped up on him, straddling him, holding on with my legs around his waist, punching his face, while gouging my thumb deep into his left eye. "Bitch!" I hissed. "You're goin' down, you fat bitch!"
He pulled me off and flung me across the seats where I landed on my back. Crouched in a Lucha Libre stance, he then flung himself on top of me. Blow after blow smashed into my face as I returned the painful gifts with belts of my own.
I spit into his face blood and saliva and said, "Asshole! You don't know where I've been!"
At that moment, the theater clerk swung open the door and said, "Hey, you can't be fighting in here!"
I got up and pointed at the Fat Man and said between gasps, "Call the police! This motherfucker molested me and when I said no he went ape shit!"
"What?" The Fat man said. "You threw your drink on..."
I cut him off, "This bastard is a psychopath! Your lucky I didn't mace this fucker!"
"You guys hafta go outside." The clerk said.
We three walked through the lobby and as I reached the entrance I could hear the sirens of the police cars that were called. With the Fat Man behind me, I turned and spit on him again. I then raced down the street, around the corner, and I slid into a little dive bar. My eyes were not accustomed to the darkness and I heard a voice, "Can I help you."
"I'll have a Corona!", I breathed. My eyes became accustomed to the light and I saw I was alone and being served by a little old man. He knew something was up from my agitated state. What the hell just happened; I thought as I stared at the water dripping from the condensation on the bottle. What a crazy freak I am sometimes. Sometimes I doubt my own sanity. I am not a violent person by nature, why these sudden attacks?
Maybe I need more fiber...
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