Never talk of work much, cause it’s
a drag. Work usually is. Nothing really goes on. What can I say, I am a sassy
front desk agent at the largest hotel chain in the world. I had to work Friday
night because one of the blubbery women I work with came down with The Curse or
some other insidious female infirmary. Thank little baby Jesus I was born a
man!
There is a national basketball playoff going on at the University near here, so the hotel was sold out. So, my night consisted mostly of turning tired travelers away. The only things that made the night interesting were the lesbian midget and the hillbilly kids.
Ready? Here ya go...
Was standing there admiring my reflection in the window when this small SUV came hurtling up the parkway and screeched to a halt in front of the hotel entrance. With steam pouring out of the engine, the driver’s door flung open and a little dwarf of a woman popped out and skittered to the front desk. Her eyes were glowing and her body was vibrating like a tuning fork. She wore army fatigues and sported a blond mullet. I just love mullets, don't you? Overrated, really. She flung herself onto the reception desk and babbled, "Ihavn'tsleptinthreedaysandi'mlosti'mtryingtofindperrystreetandican'tfinditcanyouhelpmeplease?!"
"Okay...slow down," I said, understanding her because I speak Junkie. "I'll help you find Perry Street. It's real close."
"IcanttakenomoreIhaftafindPerrybutIcan'twhereisthenearestpolicestation?"
"Why do you need the police? Perry is two blocks, sweetie...you're real close."
She swirled her dirty little hands around her head and through her spiked blond hair. She burst into tears. This girl was a mess and I didn't want to deal with her. I drew her a map and sent her back into the darkness.
Man, I thought, I used to be that fucked up?
Now, who told fat white girls that wearing tub tops with their pansa hanging out was sexy? I think it's a fucking eyesore and I had three of these bitches standing in front of me. French braided hair, nose rings, low-cut jeans. All in their tweens...egads.
Well, the older stated that their mother was staying here and after stating that no one by the last name that was given was staying at the hotel, she then asked to use the phone to call the trailer park where they lived (One of the younger girls actually said, 'Call the trailer park.') and asked Uncle Pooch for gas money. All of the kids (Four girls, and one guy.) decided to hang around the hotel property until Pooch arrived.
I returned to my dazed dreaming and when I looked out to the hotel grounds, the young guy had his pants rolled up and was dancing a jig in the pond, one of the lil' uns was pulling the small lamps out of the ground, and yet another was spooning the pond water into her mouth.
"Mmmm, this water's good!"
I yelled to them to get out of the pond, stop destroying property, and that the water's poisonous.
The girl drinking the water's eyes bulged, her face turned blue, and fell back onto the ground, twitching. The rest of the kids scattered. But the boy picked up his little sister, threw her in the back of the car they arrived in, and drove off.
Fade out to Country Bear Jamboree music...
There is a national basketball playoff going on at the University near here, so the hotel was sold out. So, my night consisted mostly of turning tired travelers away. The only things that made the night interesting were the lesbian midget and the hillbilly kids.
Ready? Here ya go...
Was standing there admiring my reflection in the window when this small SUV came hurtling up the parkway and screeched to a halt in front of the hotel entrance. With steam pouring out of the engine, the driver’s door flung open and a little dwarf of a woman popped out and skittered to the front desk. Her eyes were glowing and her body was vibrating like a tuning fork. She wore army fatigues and sported a blond mullet. I just love mullets, don't you? Overrated, really. She flung herself onto the reception desk and babbled, "Ihavn'tsleptinthreedaysandi'mlosti'mtryingtofindperrystreetandican'tfinditcanyouhelpmeplease?!"
"Okay...slow down," I said, understanding her because I speak Junkie. "I'll help you find Perry Street. It's real close."
"IcanttakenomoreIhaftafindPerrybutIcan'twhereisthenearestpolicestation?"
"Why do you need the police? Perry is two blocks, sweetie...you're real close."
She swirled her dirty little hands around her head and through her spiked blond hair. She burst into tears. This girl was a mess and I didn't want to deal with her. I drew her a map and sent her back into the darkness.
Man, I thought, I used to be that fucked up?
Now, who told fat white girls that wearing tub tops with their pansa hanging out was sexy? I think it's a fucking eyesore and I had three of these bitches standing in front of me. French braided hair, nose rings, low-cut jeans. All in their tweens...egads.
Well, the older stated that their mother was staying here and after stating that no one by the last name that was given was staying at the hotel, she then asked to use the phone to call the trailer park where they lived (One of the younger girls actually said, 'Call the trailer park.') and asked Uncle Pooch for gas money. All of the kids (Four girls, and one guy.) decided to hang around the hotel property until Pooch arrived.
I returned to my dazed dreaming and when I looked out to the hotel grounds, the young guy had his pants rolled up and was dancing a jig in the pond, one of the lil' uns was pulling the small lamps out of the ground, and yet another was spooning the pond water into her mouth.
"Mmmm, this water's good!"
I yelled to them to get out of the pond, stop destroying property, and that the water's poisonous.
The girl drinking the water's eyes bulged, her face turned blue, and fell back onto the ground, twitching. The rest of the kids scattered. But the boy picked up his little sister, threw her in the back of the car they arrived in, and drove off.
Fade out to Country Bear Jamboree music...
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