Ech.

Feeling pretty damn down right about now.

Ever since I moved from Juarez City to El Paso it has been a slow muffled nightmare - like suffocating. Will attempt manana to seek employment again. Bleak in this city. But then again my work record is not exactly perfect - in fact it's horrifying. I wouldn't hire me. The sicko evil pervert I am. Or obviously the way society sees me...

I have this plan to open a bar in Costa Rica in two years and through the will of God I have acquired a rent free apartment for two years - will attempt to stick it out. Just bitchy that's all. Low on funds. No friends. Cause I'm an ass - I'm so mean to people sometimes...

And yet I can be so generous. Where are all these people that I helped now? Where are my friends? I am so alone. And the loneliness is eating away at me.

I guess I hafta stick it out. Like my psychiatrist said - the one that just quite, third one since I started with MHMR - I really need to follow through and accomplish that dream of opening that bar. And besides, who am I going to rely on? It seems no one - I'm the only one left.The only one left.