Carlos lay next to me in the cool grass of Balboa Park. The sky was a bright blue - clouds drift under a startling sun. We talked and joked and drank the fifth of Popov - got really toasted. There were two other fags lying a few yards away with their dogs - kissing and embraced like two lovers. Won't upstage us, I thought.
Slowly and like a dream Carlos and I inch closer and I feel his warm lips on mine - organs stiffening from the warm glow of alcohol looseness. Laugh shyly, sighs. The sun goes down in long black shadows and I am rolled onto my stomach the back of my pants slowly pulled down and he climbs on top and slides in. Our moans permeate the chilled air as he thrusts and lunges into me - like a heated cat I tongue his arms, hands. His cock stiffens more the head expands slips out and he lets loose hot white squirts across my pale backside. Clean up with napkins from our lunch and lay entwined silent under that big white moon. I point out Orion's Belt and small patter about Sirius."I'm leaving for Yucca Valley tomorrow." He says with that cute shyness. Yucca Valley up by Palm Springs? Seems he has broken parole to come and work in San Diego. I take another swig from the bottle and smile and say okay.
We stumble back downtown and munch in a Subway - cops eye us as we gobble the food with drunken voraciousness. At the corner of Broadway and "C" we shake hands and say our goodbyes.
"Walk me to the Greyhound?"
I wait as he purchases his ticket. I mutter that I will miss him or something like that. I hop a trolley back home and leave him on the corner - wondering why I can never meet a long time partner. I am ready for one. Finally.
Last Friday I had gotten the first of my SSI benefit checks. Spent the next day shopping, buying $400 in clothes and a cell phone with a camera, took in a screening of There Will Be Blood.

Good flick - Daniel Day Lewis has to get the Oscar for that one. Spent the rest of the day being ravaged in a porno theater by a young black guy and some Mexican thug - was great. I broke a sweat in that back row seat. After they were done with me I quip pulling my pants back up, adjusting my shirt, "That was free, right?" They laugh.
It is strange - I am truly free now. Free to go and do whatever I want for the rest of my life. I believe at the first of March I may take a road trip - from San Diego to Miami and then who knows? I really want to start enjoying life. To truly live.
I feel so complete now...