He was shocked - shocked and mortified - when I said I was queer.

"I have never been gay before," he droned nasally, "But I am always happy, I guess."

We casually strode down Market Street towards downtown under the blast of clear morning sun bantering back and forth like only a confused heterosexual and confirmed homosexual can - I wanted to check the rates for a hotel tomorrow night. I had requested a night out from Vinnies and decided to get a room with a tub, some wine, and relax away from that madhouse.

I explained this to him and he begged to come and stay the night with me - but I guess he didn't know. Niether did I.

I met him sitting on the curb a week ago outside a soup kitchen in skid row. He is so attractive - dark cut body, handsome hairless face - too bad he is nuttier than squirrell shit. A street dweller, but keeps himself physically fit somehow - and is working them Dickie shorts something fierce, grrlz! But, don'y look like anything will occure with him tomorrow night. No matter though, I have a backup guy - he being Carlos. And Carlos is hip to my plan of debauchery and relaxation tomorrow evening.

So, the wind up is the conversation turned sour and I left that fool in the public library and headed up to Balboa Park for an afternoon of evil sin. But the place was a wasteland as far as I am concerned. In that oh so cruisy public mens room, I had nary a hook up except with one guy and he was, like, eh. Slobbered that hard on in the pissior like a champ, though. Not much of any interest after that.

I swallow my pride and trudge back downtown to Border's Books and waste time reading.

Time. It seems a lot of that I have. Since you need a passport to cross the border as of today - I have decided to wait in Vinnies until the first of March before going on any adventures - paying my dues and obtaining my papers while I stir in my own evil. I recieve the first of my SSI checks tonight and sometimes during the month my back pay of ten grand. Then and only then will I make any sudden departure to who knows where - though Juarez City is still looking good - I also would like to take a vacation to Puerto Rico for a couple of weeks.

I don't know. My age is definatley catching up to me...