Stupid Drunk Straight Boys.

"I'm straight."

"So's spaghetti until you get it hot."

- conversation overheard in New Orleans gay bar.

Payday - decided to throw a freaky-deaky party at my humble apartment. After taking care of my business downtown - I met the boys at the San Jacinto Plaza, a gang of cholo's who are just all drop dead model cute - unfortunately they are all four time losers. In and out of correctional institutions - hanging around the Plaza all day begging for change to buy beer. Great eye candy, though. Except for little Carlos - he is the sole holder of employment - boys got ambition.

Well, they all decided to invite themselves - Manny, Jose, Carlos, and Fabian - it did not matter that they all were heterosexual - save Fabian, I have already tasted that forbidden fruit and it was tasty - but back to the party guests, I agreed sure why not call me 'round nine and there will be plenty of beer and mota for all.

"Will there be bitches there?" asked Manny, that MS13 hottie - tats, pelon, and all.

"Sure." I mumbled. Well, a bitch anyway. So, off I went to buy the liquor and food. Spent the next coupla hours cleaning the trap and drinking martinis when the cellphone rang and Jose and Manny had arrived and where looking for my place - I found them wondering around and oh, isn't that great, Manny brought a girl with him - though I had to admit she was quite pretty.

When we returned to my place - first thing I noticed to my horror, Jose was already drunk and high. The four of us drank and had a good time - made Jose his first martini. But as the hours progressed he got obnoxiously worse - to the point that my tolerance level gave up, I dragged his drunk ass down stairs and hailed him a cab. As we stood in front of the building waiting for the taxi, I lectured the drunk cross eyed fuck on alcohol tolerance - then I had to pee. 'You stay right here! Don't move!' I barked at tottering Jose - propped him against the wall and returned quickly upstairs to my flat only to find Manny fucking his bitch in my bathroom - him grunting, her panting mixed with the thumping of my toilet. Ew.

Then - Jose somehow stumbles up into my place and the two lovebirds pop outta the can acting as if nothing happened. Well - Manny and Jose started wresting and hurling food all over my place and Jose - the drunk ass - knocking over my bookshelf and tables - that was it. You fuckers gotta go! Manny, who just couldn't take the hint kept stalling for some fucking reason - I grabbed Jose and tossed him out on the landing, locking the door. Manny of course kept letting him in - that was it, angry drunk fistfight time. I grabbed Jose - who ran into my wall and fell flat face onto the kitchen floor - ass up, it looked like a freaking Loony Tunes skit - I grabbed the crumpled boy up by the belt and arm and again threw him out. Grrrr!

I swung open the door and there was Jose sitting on his ass next to the railing - knuckles bleeding, face slack, eyes crossed. If he wasn't so fucking handsome I would have thrown him over the edge of the balcony. I calmly told Manny and his girl it was time to go. Sigh - after more drunken shenanigans - the trio finally left up to the 7-11 where a ride was to pick them up.

Fuck! Maybe I need to hang out with more gay people - tolerate those simpering bitter fairies and their goddamn banal finger snapping head swerving Mary-isms? Nope! I would be the one swinging fists - I may be homosexual - but a roomful of screeching posturing faggots give me the horrors.

I cleaned up the mess when my cellphone rang - God, now what? It was Carlos who had just gotten offa work and wanted to come over for beer - I asked if his friends were not gangsters? Nope. Good - I got some beer left come on over.

Carlos' two friends, Tom and Angel where very attractive students at the University. We sat and drank booze and I made the boys their first martinis - we then popped in the porno - well, Angel did. Carlos wasn't interested, he just joked and blabbed with me as Tom and Angel gazed at the TV - Angel on the other hand, who lounged on my bed had quite the impressive erection. Long story short - 'round three Tom and Angel called it a night and left. Carlos and I stayed up and talked and drank and smoked what was left of his weed. I saw Carlos was getting drowsy and offered him to crash on the floor or my bed - he chose the bed. Cool.

Lying next to him in the dark - drunkenly Carlos mumbled, "Damn we need some bitches here - I want a blow job."

"Well - it's real late, no one here but me. Sorry."

"Damn, I need some head."

"Drop your boxers and I'll do it if you want it that bad, Carlito."

After feigning surprise, the shorts came off and I gave him the bestest of the mostest. Shooting his cum - he gave me the old Don't Tell Anybody Speech. Don't worry, kid - I won't.

Next morning, after I made us eggs, bacon, toast, and coffee - Carlos split and I slept off a hellishly horrifying hangover.